Lin Ran… had been holding onto the belief that he would still die.
The raw, bleeding wound of his past had been torn open, laid bare between them.
Lin Ran knew nothing about the truth behind that fire. He still believed it had been an accident, and to him, accidents were unavoidable. If it didn’t happen then, it would happen another time.
Lin Ran had been waiting for his death all along.
He reminded himself of it constantly, even through the lock screen password on his phone.
Just the thought of it made Sheng Qingxi’s heart shatter.
Her Lin Ran.
Her, Lin Ran.
—
At Yangshan.
The air was filled with the noise of the crowd, and the hazy smoke was thick with the scent of adrenaline and hormones.
From a distance, Yangshan looked like the bright beacon of the city at night, the rhythmic music vibrating through the whole area.
Lin Ran sat lazily on the hood of Song Xingyu’s off-road vehicle, his cold eyes staring ahead. His long legs were casually propped up on the headlights, his posture completely relaxed as he watched the race unfold.
Song Xingyu turned his head slightly and asked in a low voice, “Ah Zhen, what’s going on with Lin Ran?”
Though Lin Ran appeared to be watching the race, his eyes were empty, void of any real focus.
This wasn’t the same Lin Ran Song Xingyu had seen earlier in the month. Back then, when Lin Ran smiled, there had been a faint light in his eyes—weak, but still there. But now, there wasn’t even a trace of life in him, as if he were submerged in cold, icy water.
He was letting himself fall deeper and deeper.
In this state, there was no way Song Xingyu would let Lin Ran get on the track. He called someone over and spoke a few words. The person took one look at Lin Ran and quickly jogged away.
Xie Zhen, sitting nearby, pursed his lips and quietly filled Song Xingyu in on what had happened between Lin Ran and Sheng Qingxi.
Song Xingyu was slightly surprised. Based on how Lin Ran and Sheng Qingxi had interacted before, there was no way those two could have had a serious fight. That girl didn’t seem like the type to argue, and Lin Ran probably couldn’t bear to fight with her.
For things to have escalated this way, there was likely more going on than they knew.
Song Xingyu furrowed his brow and instructed Xie Zhen, “Keep an eye on him for now. Try not to let him be alone.”
Xie Zhen nodded immediately.
Recently, both Lin Ran and Lin Yanyan had been staying at the garage. They were worried something might happen to Lin Ran on the road, so they had Yanyan beg him to stay there, under the guise of wanting to spend time with her.
Thankfully, Lin Ran still cared about Yanyan.
This month had been tough for all of them.
After exchanging a few more words with Xie Zhen, Song Xingyu turned and walked over to Lin Ran.
This time, Lin Ran didn’t refuse the cigarette that Song Xingyu offered him. The flame flickered, and the pungent smell of tobacco filled the air.
As the harsh smoke burned his throat, Lin Ran cast a sidelong glance at Song Xingyu.
This guy was still the same as ever, always preferring those harsh, strong cigarettes.
Song Xingyu didn’t plan to hold anything back. He had never hidden things from Lin Ran.
Tilting his head slightly, he looked up at the pitch-black sky, biting the cigarette between his teeth as he asked in a muffled voice, “What’s been going on with you and that girl lately? Aren’t you afraid you’ll lose her for good if this keeps up?”
Maybe it was the smoke, but Lin Ran’s voice came out hoarse, as if he were deliberately suppressing his emotions. “It’s over. A good girl like her and someone like me… we’re not meant to be.”
Song Xingyu could see right through him. Lin Ran’s words didn’t match his true feelings.
But he didn’t press the matter. He simply replied, “Alright, as long as you don’t regret it later.”
Not regret it?
Lin Ran was already drowning in regret.
How could he have said something so hurtful to her when he didn’t even know the full story?
For the past month, he had been regretting those harsh words, the ones that had nearly erased everything between them from the past two months, stomping on all her efforts and sincerity.
The word “savior,” had been far too cruel.
Song Xingyu patted Lin Ran on the shoulder. “You’re off the hook tonight. I’ve arranged someone to take your place. Let’s go get a drink?”
Lin Ran didn’t say a word. He just jumped down from the car.
There was a club on Yangshan, complete with a bar. It wasn’t far, just a few steps away.
It was at that moment that Song Shiman arrived at Yangshan.
She slammed the car door shut and immediately spotted Lin Ran walking toward the club.
Raising her voice, she called out, “Lin Ran!”
Lin Ran turned his head lazily, his eyes showing a faint glimmer of recognition when he saw Song Shiman.
“You go on ahead. I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Lin Ran said, glancing to the side.
He didn’t follow right away. Instead, he stood in place, finishing his cigarette before heading over.
Song Shiman covered her nose and glared at Lin Ran. She was getting more and more fed up with him. If it weren’t for Sheng Qingxi, she wouldn’t even bother looking at him, let alone come to find him.
She had never met anyone as awful as Lin Ran, casually playing with a girl’s feelings.
Keeping a moderate distance between them, Lin Ran asked coldly, “What do you want? If it’s about Sheng Qingxi, I don’t want to talk about it or hear about it. It’s none of your business.”
Was this even human?
Song Shiman regretted not recording him. She should have captured this to play back for Sheng Qingxi.
On the way over, Song Shiman had been thinking a lot. The more she thought about it, the more she believed what Sheng Qingxi had said was true.
Once, she had asked Sheng Qingxi how long she had liked Lin Ran. Sheng Qingxi told her: Ten years.
Back then, Song Shiman thought she had misheard, but now she realized it was the truth.
If Sheng Qingxi hadn’t liked Lin Ran for ten years, there was no way she would let him treat her like this, with no boundaries, and without showing the slightest temper.
Song Shiman, fuming inside, spoke sharply, “Lin Ran, this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. You think this whole back-and-forth thing is fun, don’t you? Do you think Sheng Qingxi is easy to bully?”
“If you don’t like her, then stay away from her. This is pointless. Not everyone is as heartless as you.”
Instead of getting angry, Lin Ran chuckled, “Can’t you see who initiated things between us?”
His tone was light, almost teasing, as he spoke these words. On the surface, he seemed indifferent, but his heart felt like a chunk had been ripped out.
Maybe this was for the best. If she were heartbroken and upset, she would stay far away from him in the future, and they wouldn’t have to face death together.
Song Shiman was livid at Lin Ran’s casual attitude, nearly exploding with anger. “I’m going to tell Xiao Xi everything you said tonight, word for word. Lin Ran, let me tell you, you don’t deserve her ten years of love.”
“You don’t deserve it!”
She shot him a fierce glare, turned on her heel, and stormed off, nearly twisting her ankle in her fury.
Song Shiman left.
Lin Ran remained rooted to the spot, her words echoing in his ears.
What had she just said?
Ten years?
Where did those ten years come from?
Suddenly, Lin Ran realized something he had never considered before.
He had died. Then he was reborn.
And Sheng Qingxi…
Could she have…?
Lin Ran didn’t dare think further.
—
Late at night.
There was no moon tonight.
Lin Ran stood in the pitch-black courtyard of Shengkai Welfare Orphanage. As he had done many times before, he climbed over the wall to get in. He was so used to it that even the big yellow dog that usually barked at strangers didn’t make a sound when it saw him, just wagged its tail and trotted away.
He had drunk a lot tonight, and it was only with the courage from the alcohol that he dared come here.
But that was as far as his courage went. All he could do was stand there and look at her window from afar, unable to do anything more.
Lin Ran didn’t know how long he had been standing there. Just as he was about to turn and leave, Sheng Qingxi’s room light turned on.
Lin Ran stopped in his tracks, not even knowing what he was waiting for or hoping for.
One minute. Two minutes.
The window didn’t open.
Lin Ran frowned, and before he could stop himself, he walked closer to her room. The light inside would cast a shadow, so Lin Ran carefully moved to the side of the wall, listening intently for any sounds inside.
The old house wasn’t well insulated, and Lin Ran could hear the sounds coming from inside.
She was throwing up.
The sound of water came on, stopped, then started again.
The tight string in Lin Ran’s mind suddenly snapped.
Without thinking, he lifted his elbow and lightly shattered a small pane of glass. Reaching in, he unlocked the window and climbed inside.
The noise of running water drowned out the faint sound of breaking glass.
She was throwing up bile; she hadn’t been able to eat for days.
Sheng Qingxi, eyes closed, turned off the tap, her hands trembling as she reached for a towel. But before she could touch it, she felt herself wrapped in a soft towel and was lifted off the ground.
Lin Ran didn’t give her a chance to resist, speaking directly: “Don’t move.”
At the sound of his voice, Sheng Qingxi’s tense body immediately relaxed.
Her reaction made Lin Ran’s heart ache even more.
He laid her down on the bed and used the towel to gently dry her face, which was drenched in water.
With the water wiped away and nothing blocking her vision, Sheng Qingxi finally saw Lin Ran clearly.
He didn’t look well. His eyes were bloodshot, dark circles lay beneath them, and his face was filled with a sense of defeat.
This situation was tormenting them both.
As Sheng Qingxi stared at Lin Ran, he was looking back at her.
Her small face was pale, streaked with tears, her lips drained of color.
She was trembling.
Lin Ran pulled the blanket from the side and wrapped her up tightly. His movements slowed as he asked in a hoarse voice, “Why are you throwing up? What’s wrong? Does your stomach hurt?”
Sheng Qingxi lowered her head, not answering.
She knew his actions tonight were intrusive.
Lin Ran knew that too.
He let go of her and turned his gaze away.
“Song Shiman came to see me tonight.”
His voice was low and raspy, his scent a mix of cigarette smoke and alcohol, which didn’t sit well with her.
Sheng Qingxi curled up, even though she was wrapped in the blanket, she still felt cold. “She told me. I’m sorry, Lin Ran, it was my decision to get close to you. You have every right to be angry.”
Her voice was weak, barely audible. “She won’t bother you again, and neither will I.”
Sheng Qingxi shifted slightly, pulling the blanket up as she lay down on the bed, closing her eyes in exhaustion.
Lin Ran clenched his fists tightly, his entire body tense and rigid.
His Adam’s apple bobbed violently as he swallowed.
Lin Ran fixed his gaze on her again, his eyes reddened. He spoke in a low voice, “I just have one question.”
“Go ahead.”
“Ten years… what does ten years mean?”
“Shiman misheard. There’s no ten years.”
…
Sheng Qingxi fell asleep, her mind forcing her into slumber.
Lin Ran didn’t leave.
He turned off the light, locked the window, and pulled the curtains closed.
Then, he sat down on the floor near the foot of her bed.
For the past month, he had barely slept, and even when he did, his nights were plagued by nightmares. In his dreams, her cries grew louder and more vivid, as if she too had been caught in the fire.
But that couldn’t be possible.
When Lin Ran opened his eyes again, it was already 6 a.m.
He hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep, and it was the best sleep he’d had in a month.
Instinctively, he turned his head to check on Sheng Qingxi. She was still asleep, curled up against the wall, her small face pale beneath her dark hair, looking frail and pitiful.
In the dim, cramped room, Lin Ran leaned in slightly, needing all his self-control to steady his breathing.
A faint scent from her hair drifted into his senses, delicate and soft.
Dry, warm lips.
A fleeting touch.
This was the debt he owed her from that day.
Half an hour later, Lin Ran left.
On the bed, Sheng Qingxi opened her eyes. Her clear gaze held no trace of sleep.