Liu Ying loved him deeply and would love the person he loved as well.
Liu Ying was gentle and would never blame him.
Liu Ying was his mother. She hoped that her child would find the right path, a companion to walk with, and keep going forward together.
“I think… it was my mother consort coming to visit me in a dream,” Su Xuan said, tears streaming down his face even as he smiled. “She was worried that I’d be trapped and unable to move forward. She, just like you, hopes that I won’t look back and will keep moving ahead.”
The little fox’s voice was soft, but his tears wouldn’t stop. “So I came. Mother Consort told me the solution—to come see you, forget everything else, and just see you.”
He straightened up and took another drink of wine. The sound of the bottle being set on the table was crisp and clear.
Su Xuan looked at Sang Dai and said, “Dai Dai, I like you.”
Sang Dai’s mind went completely blank.
Her hands, resting on her lap, clenched tightly. Her nails dug into her palms, leaving crescent-shaped marks.
She didn’t hear Su Xuan’s inner thoughts.
“Su Xuan…” she began.
“I like you,” Su Xuan repeated. “I like you so much. I really, really like you.”
It was the first time Sang Dai faced such a direct and serious Su Xuan. He wasn’t speaking in a casual or joking tone; he was utterly earnest and solemn.
They were sitting very close. His slightly parted legs brushed against her side, and Sang Dai could feel the scorching heat radiating from his body.
Sang Dai knew Su Xuan liked her. He had confessed it countless times in his heart.
Su Xuan was willing to give even his life for her. His affection was so overwhelming that she felt she could hardly bear it.
What did Sang Dai feel for him?
In the past, he was her mortal enemy. From her perspective, Su Xuan would always pick fights with her, always coming to challenge her at the Sword Sect. She admired this rival’s high cultivation level while also being annoyed by his constant presence.
Now, he was her partner, her most trusted companion. She could entrust her life to him—but could she entrust him with her entire heart?
Sang Dai knew clearly that her feelings for Su Xuan did not match his feelings for her.
She protected herself too much, so she wouldn’t easily open her heart. She was also too slow to understand, so she didn’t fully grasp how far her feelings had developed.
Sang Dai couldn’t bear to lie to him. “Su Xuan, I… I don’t like you as much as you like me…”
The little fox chuckled softly, his voice low and a bit slurred from the wine. “I know. I’ve always known.”
“…With someone like me, do you still want to like me?” she asked.
“Dai Dai,” the little fox said, resting his chin on his hand as he looked at her, his eyes filled with soft affection. “Maybe, even until the day you die, you won’t like me as much as I like you.”
His affection was boundless, capable of breaking his own limits time and time again.
Just as Liu Ying had told him—he would give her not just twelve parts of his love, but twenty parts, or more.
Sang Dai hesitated, then said, “I’m actually very dull.”
“No,” Su Xuan replied seriously. “Dai Dai is the most fascinating person in the world. Just seeing her makes me happy. Every little thing she does is adorable in my eyes.”
“Being with me is very dangerous.”
“I will stay by your side, no matter the danger.”
“I have many things I need to do.”
“I will always walk with you, holding your hand, until the end of life,” Su Xuan said.
Sang Dai’s heart raced uncontrollably. She didn’t know if it was from the cold or if she had been swept up by Su Xuan’s intoxicated warmth.
Her heartbeat pounded in her ears like thunder.
She locked eyes with Su Xuan, almost drowning in his gaze.
The little fox, drunk and unrestrained, spoke plainly and tenderly: “Dai Dai, I like you very, very, very much. So much, so much.”
He truly liked her.
Sang Dai closed her eyes and suddenly took a deep breath.
Without hesitation, she grabbed the bottle of wine that Su Xuan had been drinking. Before he could react, she tilted her head back and drank it all in one go.
The wine trickled down her chin as she furrowed her brows, finishing the entire bottle. She set it down, breathing heavily as the redness spread across her cheeks.
Her tolerance was even worse than Su Xuan’s, and now both of them were drunk.
“Dai Dai…” Su Xuan began.
Sang Dai interrupted, “What were the last words Madam Liu said to you?”
Su Xuan froze for a moment before instinctively replying, “Have a drink, get drunk, forget all the suffering, and do what you want to do.”
Sang Dai nodded. “Alright.”
Forget everything. Follow her heart.
She countered with a question: “Su Xuan, do you want a kiss?”
“…What?”
Sang Dai didn’t repeat herself.
She leaned forward, cupped the little fox’s face, and kissed him.
The wine’s potency hit her fully now, and Sang Dai realized she was truly drunk.
The night wind blew, only intensifying the effects of the alcohol.
She closed her eyes and gently bit Su Xuan’s lips. He didn’t resist, and the sword cultivator easily pried open his teeth.
Softness met softness—one side cool, the other burning hot. Pent-up emotions erupted in this moment, shattering all restraint and control.
The sword cultivator mimicked what Su Xuan had taught her before, softly sucking on his tongue. The tremor of sensation jolted Su Xuan’s awareness back.
He realized what was happening—Sang Dai was kissing him.
Sang Dai was kissing him.
The tightly wound string inside Su Xuan snapped completely. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his arms. The sword cultivator straddled his lap, her long legs draped over either side of him.
He closed his eyes, seized control, and deepened the kiss, devouring her with urgency and fervor.
The lingering taste of wine was slightly bitter, and the scent filled their mouths. Su Xuan kissed her as though he wanted to consume her entirely, to merge their blood and flesh until they could never be separated. Everything became the other’s.
The wind knocked the empty bottle to the ground, where it shattered completely. The sword cultivator, no longer passive as she had been in the past, kissed him back, tilting her head to make it easier for him to claim her lips.
The little fox supported her by the underside of her thighs, lifting her up and carrying her into the main hall. She wrapped herself around him, leaning down to kiss him passionately.
Sang Dai found herself placed on the soft couch by the window. Su Xuan’s kisses trailed to the edge of her ear as he listened to her faint, shallow breaths. He lightly nibbled at the small indigo pendant nestled near her ear—a treasure nurtured by the care he had poured into his sword cultivator.
His kisses gradually moved downward. With their fingers interlocked, Sang Dai closed her eyes and surrendered herself to him. The courage brought on by the alcohol allowed her to let go of everything and be her truest self.
She was no longer an awakened Heaven-grade spiritual root. She was no longer Ying Heng’s disciple. She was no longer the orphaned daughter of the Weisheng family.
She was simply Sang Dai, a woman who had begun to harbor feelings for Su Xuan.
Her outer robe was undone, leaving her inner garment loosely draped over her. The little fox kissed the skin exposed beneath the fabric, leaving traces of his affection.
The loose neckline revealed a glimpse of her undershirt, modestly covering her figure. He kissed along the thin straps of her garment. When he reached for the ties of her inner robe, he paused and raised his head to take in the disheveled state of the sword cultivator.
Sang Dai opened her eyes, clearly perceiving his desire. She knew how many years Su Xuan had endured, suppressing his torment during his cycles of heat—each time unbearable to the point of wanting to die.
He was silently seeking her permission.
Closing her eyes once more, Sang Dai wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded slightly. “Mm.”
She was drunk, a complete fool under the influence, devoid of reason.
The little fox’s hands trembled as he untied the ribbon of her robe.
As the inner garment fell away, it revealed her pale blue undershirt, exposing a sliver of her porcelain-like waist—so slender that it seemed he could hold it in one hand.
Su Xuan kissed down her neck, and a fluffy fox tail emerged, cushioning beneath her body and forcing her to arch slightly to meet his kisses.
The little fox’s lips traveled from her shoulders to her collarbone, to the faintly visible curve of softness, and down to her slender waist, leaving kiss after kiss on her snow-white skin.
Despite his lack of full restraint, he didn’t strip her of her undershirt or inner skirt. At his most indulgent, he kissed her softness through the thin fabric. Sang Dai, however, felt her entire body heat up.
She had no sense of the hour; all she knew was that it was late, far too late. When Su Xuan finally paused, he pulled a thin blanket from the side and wrapped her within it.
Holding her bundled form close to his chest, he pressed his nose to her shoulder, his hot breaths leaving her flustered.
“Su Xuan…” she called softly.
The little fox responded in a muffled voice, “Mm, I’m here, Dai Dai.”
Sang Dai rested her forehead against his chest, closing her eyes to steady her breathing. “If you want to continue, I agree. You can keep going.”
The little fox’s discomfort was palpable. She could feel it. As a member of the Nine-Tailed Fox Clan, his blood ran hot, his vitality strong, and his desires intense. She couldn’t imagine how he had endured these past hundred years since reaching adulthood.
Sang Dai, in her rare drunken state, was devoid of reason. Tonight, she could promise him anything. Tomorrow, she would wake up as the gentle and composed sword cultivator she always was.
But Su Xuan kissed her forehead gently, his voice soft but firm as he refused. “No.”
Sang Dai opened her eyes, meeting his gaze.
Beads of sweat glistened on Su Xuan’s brow. His flushed cheeks and reddened, slightly upturned eyes reflected his struggle.
He raised a hand to wipe the sweat from her forehead and repeated, “No.”
Sang Dai whispered, “You’re in pain.”
Su Xuan admitted, “Yes, it’s unbearable.”
“I’m giving you permission to continue,” she said.
“I don’t want to.”
“…Why?”
“Dai Dai, it shouldn’t be this way.”
The little fox held her tightly, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I like you. If you want it, my body is yours—only yours. But Dai Dai, this isn’t who you are.”
Su Xuan’s hand lightly caressed her cheek, his gaze tender. “Your feelings for me aren’t strong enough to support us doing this. Your body shouldn’t be given away so easily. You’re drunk tonight, and the most intimate thing between us shouldn’t happen under these circumstances. It would become a lifelong regret for both of us, a barrier that we could never cross. We wouldn’t have given each other the perfect first time we deserve.”
Sang Dai’s breath trembled. “Su Xuan, I won’t regret it…”
“You will, Dai Dai, you will.” Su Xuan kissed her lips briefly, then continued, “Ask yourself honestly—what we’ve done just now, was it out of guilt, or was it from true affection?”
“If you truly love me and willingly want to do this with me, we can unite and take this step now. But if it’s out of guilt, Dai Dai, I won’t accept it.”
Sang Dai’s entire body shook.
He knew her too well.
The better Su Xuan treated her, the more suffocated Sang Dai felt. That guilt made her soften toward him, made her heart ache for him, and allowed her to permit him certain intimacies. She couldn’t bear to see him in pain.
She did like Su Xuan—perhaps even liked him a lot. That’s why she didn’t reject the entwining of their lips and teeth or his physical closeness.
But that affection wasn’t enough to support taking things further. Just moments ago, when he loosened her inner robe and left her in only her undergarments—this was something she would have never agreed to before. But now, she couldn’t refuse him. Seeing him made her heart ache and filled her with guilt.
Su Xuan rested his chin atop her head and spoke in a hoarse voice, “I’m just a demon. I don’t have much moral restraint, nor am I a virtuous gentleman. I admit my desire for you, and I admit that earlier, I despicably took advantage of your softheartedness to push things further. But Dai Dai, my base desires will only allow me to go this far.”
“Until the day you completely love me, until you willingly take this step with me, this is where we stop.”
Sang Dai closed her eyes, the mingling scent of wood and coolness suffusing her senses, making it hard to breathe.
Her chest ached, unbearably so. Once again, she covered her eyes with her hands to hide the tears streaming down her face.
“Su Xuan… why do you like me so much?”
She didn’t understand at all. What was so special about her? She had fought him, hurt him—he, a Heaven-grade spiritual root awakener, the dignified Beast King, a grand demon cultivator in the Grand Ascension stage—why did he keep chasing after her? If not for her ability to hear his thoughts, Sang Dai might never have treated Su Xuan kindly in her lifetime.
Why did he like her so much?
Why did he do so much for her?
Why did he make her feel so guilty and pained for him?
The little fox pulled the sword cultivator out of his embrace and wiped her tears away.
“Because you’re Sang Dai. I only like Sang Dai, that’s all.”
Perhaps it was fate. Years ago, when the young girl stormed into the underground lair, swung her sword, and severed those spiritual threads, she had pulled him out of that man-eating place. From that moment on, his heart was no longer his own.
He followed her, yearned for her, celebrated her strength, and craved his own strength even more—so he could stand shoulder to shoulder with her.
Su Xuan gazed at Sang Dai’s face. This face, etched deeply into his bones, was something he could never tire of. He liked her—liked her so very much.
Su Xuan liked everything about Sang Dai.
The little fox leaned down and pecked her lips gently. “Can you open your heart just a little bit more? I will never betray you.”
Sang Dai tilted her chin slightly, tears streaming down from the corners of her eyes.
“Su Xuan, give me a little more time. Wait for me.”
“Alright.” Su Xuan kissed her lips again, his own brushing against hers as he whispered, “Dai Dai, don’t be afraid.”
No matter what lay ahead, they would face it together.
Sang Dai wrapped her arms around his neck, parted her red lips, and closed her eyes to return his kiss.
When his lips trailed down to her neck, she tightened her hold on his shoulders.
“I will never be afraid.”
—
TL: I cried so much in this chapter I can’t even see what I’m editing LMAO