If I had a button in my hand that controlled their life and death, I would definitely press them all to death.”
“If I can’t survive, I would also find a way to take them with me.”
This was his true thought. When he said this, he didn’t feel anything in particular; only after speaking did he realize it was full of negative emotions and hostility.
No one would like to let someone carrying such vicious thoughts move into their own home. After all, they’d have to worry about their own safety.
Song Qing felt a bit worried that Nan Zhi would mind. When he looked up, he saw her looking over with teary eyes, her makeup all smudged from crying.
“How can those people be so bad.”
This was something Nan Zhi had never experienced. Her grandma was a retired teacher. The profession of teacher was very respected in the village. Every New Year or holiday, students would come to deliver gifts, and there were even those who had become high-ranking officials or local big shots who came to visit.
Some disputes in the village would even be brought to her grandma to serve as a witness, trusting her grandma’s character. She was the kind of elderly person known as “high morals and widely respected”.
Because of her grandma, she had never been bullied. When she was little, everyone even scrambled and competed to play with her. During winter and summer holidays after school, they would run to her house, because her grandma loved cleanliness and loved tending to flowers and plants. There were even fish being raised in the courtyard.
Children just loved these things. They could lie by the fish pond and stare all day.
Compared to other kids, her childhood life was also more well-off. Snacks and toys were endless. From small to big dolls, there were over a dozen.
Every time people came to her house, her grandma would cut watermelon, bring out candy, sunflower seeds, and so on. When she shouted that she wanted milk tea and to eat KFC, her grandma would also buy it for her.
While muttering things like “What’s so good about drinking this?” and “Can this chicken be better than what I make?” she would still eat with them.
Nan Zhi had never suffered such a great grievance.
“If you had a button that could control their life and death, and you didn’t press it, I’d press it for you. They’re too bad.”
Nan Zhi stood up, walked over to his side, pulled a chair to sit down, and leaned over slightly, then hugged him.
—
Nan Zhi liked hugging. She would hug him when she was sad or especially happy. Song Qing had never been like this before. People used to say he had a sour, shabby smell and the scent of soap on him. He would deliberately keep a distance from others, rarely got close, never mind being physically close—so he had never experienced it.
But just once was enough for him to remember it and keep thinking about it.
Thinking carefully, who wouldn’t like being embraced tightly by a warm and solid hug?
This time, Song Qing didn’t wait for that hug to form. He took the initiative to reach out his hand, threw himself into that warm embrace, and even lazily rested his chin on Nan Zhi’s shoulder, like someone who was tired and leaning for a bit.
Being tired and having a place to lean on—was something he hadn’t even dared to imagine before.
Everyone, whether working or going to school, would have their own space, a place to rest when tired. He didn’t. At school, it was like fighting a war—he needed to stay alert. At his uncle and aunt’s house, it was the same, only even more tense. He had to guard against offending his aunt and being scolded for no reason.
When a family is poor, everything is miserable. Not earning money. His uncle glancing at a pretty woman on the roadside. The kids disliking her for being too rustic and not letting her pick them up or drop them off, pretending not to know her when they ran into her. Someone calling her fat—any of these could be the trigger that set her off.
The house was full of gunpowder stench \[火药味 – tension, as if it could explode anytime]. The fact that he could even focus on studying in such an environment was already not easy, let alone anything else.
Sometimes he would run under the bridge. Under the bridge, there were one after another holes. The biggest one was near the shore, and a person could crawl in.
When he got in, he would think, if this were my home, I would do this and that. He really wanted to have a place of his own, a home. But unfortunately, someone already lived in that bridge hole. It was an old man, who looked like he had been wandering a long time and seemed a bit crazy. When Song Qing went over, the man threw things at him.
He could only retreat, trying to go around the river to reach another bridge hole.
It was an elevated road. You couldn’t cross from above, only go around the river. But that river was very, very long. He walked for half a day and still didn’t reach the end. Just the round-trip time would take at least a whole day—it wasn’t worth it. He had no choice but to give up.
Aside from that place, there was nowhere else that could shelter from the wind and rain.
The word “harbor” had basically been pressed down to the deepest part of his heart, never picked up again.
Could this place be my harbor?
When I’m tired, can I rest here and treat this as home?
She calls me little wife, and even says she wants to support me. I can earn money to support myself, just need a small space to rest—is that okay with her?
She had said it before—as long as I don’t want to leave, I can stay here forever. So, that means she’s willing.
—
Nan Zhi was startled for a moment by his move of taking the initiative to fall into her arms, but quickly hugged him even tighter, not letting go for a long time—and he didn’t show any intention of pulling away either.
Nan Zhi naturally patted his back.
“Don’t worry, we will definitely handle it well. If we really can’t solve it, I’ll take you away, hide you in my old home.”
“I have two houses in the city at my hometown, and there’s also a small three-story house in the countryside. It’s too big for one person, but just right for two. When the time comes, come with me to the countryside, farm the land, raise flowers, feed fish, and let them never find you.”
Farming, raising flowers, feeding fish—just hearing it sounds like such a leisurely and carefree life.
It was the kind of life he wanted.
And from those words, he heard another meaning.
She seemed to want to keep taking care of him. Wherever she was, there would always be a place for him.
Then if things can’t be handled, take me away. Take me to her hometown, farm, raise flowers, feed fish with her—do anything.