Wei Qi, a dark guard, a dark guard who loved to read wind and moon storybooks [romantic or bawdy popular novels], and up until now had not yet broken away from all kinds of lowly pleasures.
However, in the autumn of the fifth year of Xihe, Wei Qi was no longer a dark guard. He resumed using his original name, walked once again under the sunlight, and under the encouragement of his brothers, decided to pursue the girl who ran a martial arts hall at the east end of the city, the girl who had once been a courtesan queen of the brothel, and had also once been a concubine of Marquis Xuanping.
In the past, few generations of dark guards in the royal family almost never ended well. In their line of work, there was basically no such thing as retirement. But to speak with conscience, it could not be said that there was none — it was just that most did not live to that age. After all, when people got old, all sorts of ailments would come out; both physical strength and spirit would no longer match the past. Their job was so high-risk that if they were just a little inattentive, they would “liangliang” [凉凉: slang for ‘be finished, dead, ruined’].
Moreover, certain emperors who did not wish to reveal their names were always worried that their past wicked deeds would be exposed, and would often go mad enough to even wipe out the dark guards to silence them.
To be a dark guard was hard, to be a good dark guard was even harder, and to be a good dark guard serving some idiot in power was harder than hard.
However, the present Holy One was benevolent. After ascending the throne, he directly issued an announcement that if the dark guards in the palace did not want to be dark guards anymore, they could choose to leave the palace and return home, or they could switch to another official post.
Wei Qi and many of his brothers all chose to stay by His Majesty’s side. They had been raised from childhood as dark guards, and had never even thought about what else they could do besides being dark guards.
When Wei Qi went out on missions, he often heard people cursing dark guards as nothing but the royal family’s running dogs. But Wei Qi did not take it to heart at all.
Was a royal running dog just any ordinary running dog? Was it something you could become just because you wanted to? Did they know how much salary he got every month?
Did they know how many people under heaven wished for it but couldn’t get it?
And, come on, being a dark guard was super cool, okay!
The people who said that — had they ever seen traitors who, just after discussing rebellion, immediately turned against each other over whether tofu pudding should be sweet or salty?
Had they ever seen the former emperor get drunk and drop his pants in the imperial garden?
Had they ever seen a certain prince — who refused to have his name mentioned and was later executed for treason — go to the brothel to sleep with a girl, and yet come out in less than a stick of incense’s time [about 5-10 minutes]?
Of course they hadn’t. If they had seen it, they would have been silenced long ago.
Heehee.
Wei Qi and his brothers even privately discussed whether the time of burning a stick of incense was enough for the two of them to even take off their clothes.
Although His Majesty forbade them from eavesdropping on him, it didn’t matter. His Majesty was either scolding people every day or preparing to scold people; not listening was just as well.
They still had plenty of amusement to watch. Being a dark guard greatly satisfied their gossipy nature — only, there was just one bad point, and that was sometimes one life might not be enough.
Wei Qi was not born into a dark guard family. He was a farmer’s son. Not long after he was born, disaster struck his hometown. His parents couldn’t afford to raise him and threw him out. Fortunately, he had great fortune and a big life; he was adopted by his Shifu [master].
At that time, the former emperor was still around, in his prime, and Wei Qi’s master was the head of the dark guards. A few years later, when Wei Qi’s body had developed well, his master, seeing his unique bones and extraordinary martial arts talent, trained him together with other children, laying the groundwork for the dark guards’ future strength.
Wei Qi had just become a dark guard not long before the former emperor went down to meet his ancestors.
When Li Yue ascended the throne, Wei Qi had not even taken a single mission yet. But Wei Qi already thought he was super awesome. Among his peers, no one was his match. He was certain he could perfectly inherit his master’s mantle and become the next head of the dark guards.
Only, it wasn’t long before Wei Qi’s dream suffered the greatest blow in history.
The one who struck the blow was none other than the chubby High Eunuch Gao who followed His Majesty around.
High Eunuch Gao had a very good temper. Every time he saw them, he was all smiles, and everything he did gave off a silly and adorable feeling.
Yet on that day, Wei Qi and his companion, over a small matter, fought each other. High Eunuch Gao happened to pass by, and spoke two sentences to advise them. They pretended not to hear and fought even harder. Then—
Then High Eunuch Gao walked over and gave them each a palm strike.
Wei Qi didn’t even see High Eunuch Gao’s moves clearly. By the time he reacted, he had already been pushed back several steps by the palm wind. He was dumbfounded, shocked, couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had always thought that his martial arts should be number one under heaven, but it turned out he couldn’t even beat a fat eunuch. “Your Grandpa really is your Grandpa.” [meaning ‘you can’t compete with your elders even if you think you’re amazing’]
“Grandpa” calmly put down his hand, bent his eyes into a smile, and smiled at Wei Qi.
Wei Qi almost cried out loud on the spot, but fortunately, thinking that many brothers were watching him, he forcibly held back the tears in his eyes. That night, he hugged his Shifu and cried a good round.
No one knew the origins of this High Eunuch Gao beside His Majesty, nor did anyone know why he was willing to stay by His Majesty’s side.
It was not until many years later that Wei Qi learned his story from High Eunuch Gao’s own mouth.
He had been sent into the palace as a eunuch from a young age, and by chance, was accepted as a direct disciple by a peerless master, and thus learned top-grade martial arts. He had had enough of the filthiness within the palace, so he faked his death and escaped to roam the Jianghu for a few years. Later, when wars broke out frequently on the northern borders, he went to the northern frontier to kill enemies for the country.
He carried a body of peerless martial arts, but he could only kill ten people, kill a hundred people, save one or two commoners. In the face of war, his strength really was not worth mentioning. Li Yue was a born general; only he could truly bring peace to the common people. Such a person should live a long, long life. From then on, Gao Xi decided to stay by his side and protect him completely.
Even eunuchs have affection, even eunuchs have loyalty!
In the first one or two years after His Majesty ascended the throne, the remnants of the princes who had failed in the struggle for the crown jumped out one after another, which greatly increased the workload for Wei Qi and the others. They were running around from morning till night, simply having no time to flirt with girls. Moreover, doing their job was like hanging their heads from their waistbands [living with death hanging over their heads, very dangerous] — who knew which day they might just die, truly not something good to implicate any girl.
Even the present Holy One didn’t have a wife yet. What was wrong if they, as dark guards, didn’t have wives!
Every time the dark guards privately discussed these matters, although there was disagreement about who among them would be the first to marry, they unanimously agreed that His Majesty would definitely be the last to marry. He avoided girls as if avoiding the plague — whether he could even marry at all in the future was uncertain.
Wei Qi sometimes couldn’t help but doubt — could it be that His Majesty had some kind of illness? Don’t conceal the illness and refuse treatment, ah, Your Majesty!
But who dared to say such words in front of His Majesty?
His Majesty would definitely blast his head off.
The turning point happened in the sixth month of the third year of Xi He. From the palace banquet that night onwards, the gossip about His Majesty was like a wild horse that had broken free from its reins, galloping madly toward places they completely could not imagine.
Wei Qi and his brothers had never thought that His Majesty’s love would come so quickly, and that it would be so unstoppable.
It would already be amazing enough that it came quickly, but the object was even more explosive. Wei Qi felt that His Majesty was truly one who hid deep — normally so silent, but when he acted, it was a big deal.
Amazing, amazing, worthy of being His Majesty.
It could be seen that after falling into the river of love, His Majesty had no thought at all of climbing back out. That very night, he reassigned all the dark guards beside him, and Wei Qi was very lucky to be assigned to serve beside that Lady, allowing him to catch the gossip firsthand and share it with his brothers.
However, after sharing for only two days, Wei Qi himself couldn’t bear it anymore. What good was there in sharing this kind of sticky, cloying little-couple gossip!
Every time he shared it, he got wounded once — it was better to watch Marquis Xuanping being pretentious, way more interesting!
But sometimes Wei Qi had no choice but to watch. These two were truly too glued together — even though they had just seen each other during the day, at night they still had to send letters back and forth. Sometimes in a single day, they could send several rounds.
Was it really necessary!
Was it really necessary!
Whenever His Majesty and that Lady whispered to each other, it was strictly forbidden for them to eavesdrop. Wei Qi thought this was very good; he also didn’t want to be heartbroken.
He could never figure it out — why did His Majesty, who looked like he would be a solitary figure for life, end up being the first to find a girl he liked?
However, after staying by that Lady’s side for a long time, Wei Qi gradually understood a little. They were all ordinary mortals, unable to compare with His Majesty’s sharp, torch-like eyes — he had actually seen through the gentle exterior of that Lady at a glance, to the equally irritable heart underneath, just like His Majesty himself. Perhaps this was the attraction between the same kind.
Wei Qi even felt that this Lady was even more irritable than His Majesty, which was why His Majesty would become gentle when facing her.
These two really were a pair made in heaven, matched to an incredible degree, to the point that later on Wei Qi even began to find Xie Wenzhao an eyesore. They were such a good pair — why was that demon and monster always burrowing in the middle?
Didn’t he know to be a little self-aware and hurry up and back out?
Xie Wenzhao truly didn’t know.
Tsk.
The longer Wei Qi stayed by that Lady’s side, the more he hoped she could quickly divorce Marquis Xuanping, but His Majesty — who knew what was going on in his heart — didn’t seem anxious at all. What was this?
Could it be that secretly meeting with someone else’s wife was even more exciting?
Wei Qi thought about it carefully — maybe it really was a little more exciting.
He and his companions privately discussed this matter, shaking their heads and sighing: His Majesty hadn’t escaped from lowly pleasures either, so vulgar!
Really vulgar!
And even more cliché — His Majesty secretly met with that Lady and got caught by Marquis Xuanping, but that big idiot Marquis Xuanping completely didn’t recognize that it was his own wife.
This was probably the principle of chasing excitement: once you pursue it, you must carry it out to the end.
Later, His Majesty took that Lady out for horse riding — the result was that he sat on the horse, and the Lady led the horse along on foot.
He took the Lady out for archery practice, but ended up shooting wildly without hitting a single target, and finally had to have the Lady come and correct him.
Yikes.
Wei Qi frowned deeply as he watched from a distance. What kind of play was His Majesty putting on now?
Although he had never been involved with a girl, he could still sense that His Majesty’s ways of pursuing a girl were a little different from others’. If he were that girl, he would slap him and turn around to leave.
However, Wei Qi was not that girl. In fact, this Lady really ate up His Majesty’s methods.
She saw His Majesty acting so clumsily, yet did not dislike it one bit, even came over to teach him hand-in-hand.
Wei Qi didn’t understand. Wei Qi was greatly shocked!
So it turned out that even this kind of method could successfully pursue a girl you liked?
He began to look squarely at His Majesty’s methods — it turned out every bit of clumsiness was deeply meaningful. Wei Qi took out his little notebook and wrote down one by one all the things he learned from His Majesty, saving them for when he pursued a girl in the future.
Although Marquis Xuanping’s mansion was not big, the gossip inside was really not lacking at all. Staying here all day long didn’t feel boring at all. Not to mention His Majesty and the Lady — just talking about Marquis Xuanping and the Lady’s younger sister, and not even mentioning them — just the three concubines in Xie Wenzhao’s rear courtyard, pulling out any one of them could be enough for them to gossip for a long time. Especially that one called Sun Yulian.
The dark guards had long discovered that she was pulling and tugging and hooking up with the little servant boy beside Xie Wenzhao, but they hadn’t expected that they would move to deeper contact so quickly.
It was… quite sudden.
That night, Xie Wenzhao quarreled with Sun Yulian, slammed the door and left. Not long after, Xie Wenzhao’s little servant boy stealthily sneaked in, and did not leave Qiuxiang Pavilion until almost dawn.
That night, he hurt her;
That night, she raised her wine cup;
That night, she did not reject him.
Poor Marquis Xuanping — to this day, he still didn’t know that the child might not be his. (T/N: Wtf? LMAO this is some insider info)
Wei Qi wished upon the stars and longed upon the moon, and finally managed to wait until this Lady and Marquis Xuanping divorced. Only, once they divorced, Wei Qi felt that His Majesty changed — he revealed his true form in front of the Lady, without any scruples.
Wei Qi watched with heart pounding in fear, afraid that the Lady would dislike him for being like a firecracker, getting angry all day long, and would dump him.
Those serialized storybooks could afford to have bad endings, but His Majesty’s love story absolutely could not!
Fortunately, the Lady was magnanimous and did not lower herself to argue with His Majesty. Moreover, Wei Qi gradually discovered that in front of the Lady, His Majesty was like a paper tiger — coax him just a little, and he would immediately behave obediently.
Tsk.
Even heroes have difficulty passing the trial of a beauty.
After this Lady divorced, His Majesty, for reasons unknown, took a whole pile of storybooks from them, saying he wanted to “study and learn.” Wei Qi felt His Majesty had no need to study at all — he could publish a book on how to pursue a girl himself. These vulgar cliché stories in the storybooks were simply too weak compared to him.
His Majesty probably thought the same. After reading them, he scorned them thoroughly, but then the next day, he even took away the rest of the storybooks they still had in their hands.
Wei Qi could only sigh.
Who told him he was the emperor? Endure it.
The story afterward all developed exactly as Wei Qi had expected — His Majesty successfully embraced the beauty and carried her home.
But it had to be said, all of this going so smoothly owed much to Marquis Xuanping’s hard work and dedication.
Although Marquis Xuanping probably didn’t think of it that way when he was making his efforts.
His Majesty’s story had reached its happy ending. Now, Wei Qi was resigning from the dark guard job — he was going to pursue his own story.
The rising sun shone golden rays across the sky; Wei Qi, hugging the notebook he had carefully written, walked briskly toward the east of the city. Inside were all the precious experiences he had learned from His Majesty. He too would pretend to be clumsy and seek that girl’s guidance on martial arts questions.
He was sure he could replicate His Majesty’s success.
He definitely could!