“I hope you can live a bit fuller like him.”
“That’s why I wanted to ask if IT is something you especially like doing, and if you want to keep doing it.”
Actually, Qiao Ling understood, Chen Kuang probably did like it.
When they weren’t familiar before, she always thought Chen Kuang was just always holding his phone playing around, but later she found out what kind of files he was often looking over — even while far away in Binyang bartending, he was still always helping Xie Lisheng’s company’s technical department.
He wasn’t inside the industry anymore, but actually he had never fallen behind on all kinds of information and understanding the latest technologies.
Only, he was just tired. No matter how much he liked it, he couldn’t keep going. Plus, his family was all gone, and he didn’t know what was the point of working hard anymore, so he ended up escaping like this.
“Want to know?” Chen Kuang used the same tone from this morning when teasing her about asking his savings, asking back.
Facing her clear and curious gaze, he turned it around to demand terms: “Then first tell me why you broke up with your ex.”
Qiao Ling was stunned, lips slightly open: “……”
Are these two topics comparable in importance?
“If I didn’t come find you tonight.” Chen Kuang pointed it out very clearly, not allowing her to put up distance between them again, “Were you going to run again?”
“Is it really so hard to say what happened with you and him.” His eyes looking at her got darker and darker, “Or is it that, you just don’t want to tell me.”
He spoke with no room left at all, obviously not giving her any chance to brush it off.
Chen Kuang’s attitude was very firm, a little fierce. Qiao Ling got scared by him, like a little rabbit that heard a wolfdog’s low growl, ears drooping in fear.
She pressed her lips together, picking at her fingers, it wasn’t hard to see the struggle.
If she didn’t speak, then Chen Kuang would think she was admitting to the latter. Then the relationship between the two of them would take a serious hit.
They had only just started to look like there might be progress…
And she didn’t really want to keep holding things back from him all the time.
It’s just that…
“It really was me that provoked him.” Qiao Ling spoke slowly, revealing.
—-
At the beginning, Qiao Ling had never thought she would have something with Gao Ziyao.
Before senior year, she had never dated, maybe because her standards were too high, or because she didn’t have any urgent desire for romance. Even if there were pursuers, she would politely decline them all.
Before senior year, she had never dated, maybe because her standards were too high, or because she didn’t have any urgent desire for romance. Even if there were pursuers, she would politely decline them all.
When Qiao Ling joined the student council in freshman year, she met Gao Ziyao, who was in the same year. He was a well-known figure in their major, also a regular on the confession wall.
Although Gao Ziyao was one of the top few good-looking guys Qiao Ling had seen in university, his every move was a bit too showy. He dyed his hair yellow and wore earrings, giving off a no-depth kind of feeling, so Qiao Ling only maintained a working relationship with him in the student council, occasionally exchanging a few words.
As for when he started liking her, Qiao Ling really had no awareness.
It was just that, she felt by junior and senior year, Gao Ziyao talked to her a lot more, and they would bump into each other all over campus.
During senior year, all the students were under heavy pressure. Qiao Ling was deep in thesis obstacles, employment anxiety, and feeling confused and irritable because she wanted to try doing a silver jewelry business but her family had firmly rejected it.
Their graduation thesis was assigned to the same advisor group, so the time spent discussing and doing assignments together increased.
That was one afternoon, the two of them writing papers at the same table. Gao Ziyao had already given up early, lying across from her slacking off.
Gao Ziyao rested his head on his arm, staring fixedly at her seriously working, staring for a long time, suddenly saying: “Qiao Ling, let’s date.”
Qiao Ling looked at him. Under the sunlight, Gao Ziyao’s brown hair glinted gold, the way he looked at her carried a smile like he was bound to get her.
“Why? So sudden…”
“You think it’s sudden?” Gao Ziyao was speechless, “I’ve confessed to you several times already, you don’t remember?”
Qiao Ling was even more confused, really didn’t remember when he said it. Her face reddened, head lowered, continuing to type.
“Yes or no.” Gao Ziyao urged, knocking on the edge of her laptop with his hand, grinding at her shyness: “If not, I’ll ask again in a few days.”
“No matter where you go, I’ll follow, until you say yes.”
Qiao Ling didn’t even know what she was thinking at that time, just felt a little dizzy from the sun. In the end, like being possessed, she said: “Alright then.”
And just like that, muddle-headed, she started this first love with Gao Ziyao.
Maybe many girls have this kind of experience—without really thinking it through,
Feeling like it’s okay, wanting to try, so agreeing to a guy’s confession. In the end, the friction leads to dislike, becoming the most unwilling-to-admit failed first love.
Because at that time, the impulse wasn’t really about wanting to date this person—it was about wanting to know what dating felt like.
The person in front of her just happened to be there.
Later, both of them got busy with graduation matters, spending a lot more time together compared to before. Gao Ziyao would take the initiative to hold her hand. Aside from that, there wasn’t much difference.
Qiao Ling thought this was dating, felt pretty good, nothing particularly abrupt, quite satisfied with the situation.
Having an outgoing and humorous person keeping her company, taking care of her, she resolved a lot of her internal struggles about graduation.
The always unruly Gao Ziyao, after dating her, seemed like a prodigal son turning back, obeying her in everything, throwing his whole heart into her, without a bit of temper.
The two of them just like that, under everyone’s shock, calmly walked through graduation season as a couple.
But gradually, Qiao Ling started noticing Gao Ziyao’s aggressiveness as a man.
He knew she didn’t like clingy things, so he could only use occasional physical contact to ask for a bit of intimacy.
At first, it was just leaning on her. Later, it became hugging and not letting go. Then later, he started dropping kisses on her forehead, cheeks, corners of her mouth.
As soon as Qiao Ling shrank back or dodged, he would immediately stop.
Although he knew when to stop and even apologized, she could still see his unhappiness in his darkened expression.
After graduation, she moved out to rent an apartment, and he would find all kinds of excuses to stay over at her place.
Step by step, testing her bottom line regarding this kind of thing.
Qiao Ling had also been persuading herself to slowly accept Gao Ziyao’s closeness. After all, these were all things that naturally happened between couples when feelings deepened.
Until that day, when Gao Ziyao went to a lunch gathering, drank a little wine, and came back to her apartment slightly tipsy.
Qiao Ling was still preparing for her DIY shop, when he pulled her over to the living room to play console games. While the two of them were playing, Gao Ziyao started absentmindedly moving closer to her.
Qiao Ling pretended not to understand, smiling as she urged him to focus on playing. But Gao Ziyao suddenly threw away the controller in her hand and pressed her down onto the carpet.
Qiao Ling was startled, instinctively turning her head away. Gao Ziyao’s kiss landed on her neck, skillfully starting to suck and move along.
At that moment, all the hair on her body stood on end. She wanted to avoid but was pinned down and couldn’t move, constantly persuading herself in her heart to accept it.
To accept this normal kind of intimacy.
Seeing she wasn’t making any sounds of refusal, Gao Ziyao thought he had gotten permission, becoming bolder, stroking her chest several times, moving down to her waist. Then when his hand explored down to her slender leg under the loose pajama pants—
Qiao Ling suddenly started trembling unnaturally, her pupils dilated, struggling frantically, “Wait a minute, wait, let me go.”
“Gao Ziyao, I don’t…”
Gao Ziyao had already been dizzy from her softness, wishing he could take everything from her right then, not listening to her words, pressing even harder, his hand reaching in from her pants leg, stroking her smooth calf.
Qiao Ling was like a doll with its strings cut, letting out a sickly scream, slapping him hard across the face, covering her mouth as she scrambled up and ran stumbling toward the bathroom—
Gao Ziyao, who had been slapped, sat on the living room floor. After that, from the direction of the bathroom, came waves of dry retching sounds.
That noise was heart-wrenching, as if she had touched something filthy and disgusting.
Gao Ziyao felt like he’d encountered something utterly ridiculous, let out a self-mocking laugh, grabbed the controller, and smashed it to pieces on the floor.
“Really fucking interesting!!”
…………
“That’s how it was…” Qiao Ling picked and chose, telling Chen Kuang the most crucial parts, holding her forehead as she said: “That time hurt his pride. Afterward, we had a cold war for a long time. When he saw I didn’t try to make him stay, he just directly dumped me.”
“After all, he used to be a campus heartthrob type. For someone to gag during intimacy is indeed a little…” She didn’t really understand a man’s sense of pride, so she looked at Chen Kuang, trying to get some kind of confirmation: “Embarrassing?”
Chen Kuang gave a light snort, his brows always relaxed, staring at his phone: “No.”
“You mean it wouldn’t be embarrassing? I didn’t expect that…” she said.
“I would never force you from the beginning.” He corrected.
The words Qiao Ling hadn’t finished speaking stopped on her lips.
Chen Kuang put away his phone, clearly understanding there were still things hidden in her words she wasn’t willing to show.
But for her to be willing to say this much was already very good. He wouldn’t keep pushing at this moment.
There was still plenty of time. He would slowly step into her heart, little by little.
“I can understand why Gao Ziyao holds a grudge against me too.” Qiao Ling sighed, feeling a little wronged and a little guilty, reflecting on herself: “Because later on, I realized we were wrong from the very beginning. I didn’t really like Gao Ziyao at all.”
“Clearly didn’t like him yet still dated him, I didn’t respect him.”
Chen Kuang, who had been quietly sulking with a dark face all this time, upon hearing this, let out a nearly unnoticeable sigh. He raised his hand and rubbed her head, like petting a kitten.
There was really nothing he could do about her.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re very sensible?”
Qiao Ling glanced over lively, her tail practically lifted from being praised: “I know, ah, isn’t that one of my biggest strong points?”
Chen Kuang withdrew his hand, the corner of his lips hooking slightly.
Qiao Ling recalled the past, sighing: “Before, watching Qiao Jing being so devoted to Sister Rouyin, I couldn’t empathize at all. I felt like I’d never like someone that much in my whole life.”
“I really haven’t liked anyone for a long time before. Even with Gao Ziyao, it was just a moment of heart-fluttering.”
“But from now on, I’ll like more seriously.”
She patted her chest, her eyes soft and fluffy as she smiled, “Luckily, really luckily, I used to think I was asexual.”
Chen Kuang quietly listened to her analyze herself to him, feeling a kind of pleasure like he was peeking into something deep.
“So, what you just said.”
He tossed his phone up, playing with it, catching her glance over: “Can I understand that as a confession?”
“Con—” Qiao Ling froze, her brain going blank.
Wait.
What the heck did she just babble on and on about just now!