(This chapter is an if line, the timeline is set apart from the previous chapter’s extra.)
[IF: Chen Kuang from his father’s late-stage cancer low point suddenly time-travels (?) to the present]
[Thus Qiao Ling’s age is 23, Chen Kuang is 20 (mental age)]
—
There are several moments, cruelly occupying Chen Kuang’s present life.
The moment receiving the phone call that father fainted at home.
The moment sitting on the bench inside school, receiving the news of father’s liver cancer diagnosis.
The moment personally witnessing his on-the-brink-of-death appearance.
The moment mother turned her back crying silently without a sound.
The accompanying requirements in intensive care unit are strict, there are care workers inside, so he often waits outside.
At night, sitting in the corridor, muddle-headedly dozing off.
The sky became slightly bright.
The minute hand on the watch jumped forward one mark after another, Chen Kuang knew that if he squinted a little longer he must go, from the hospital riding bike to school still takes over an hour.
The tutor’s pity and tolerance both have limits, morning classes can no longer be skipped.
But today don’t know why, he especially tired, tired to the point hands and feet cannot even move.
He squinted his eyes, brain like a television screen with signal cut off, flashing gray-white snowflakes.
Chen Kuang looked around, at one glance all was pale white.
The white of the identical hospital room doors, the white of the cloth on the doctor’s coat, the white of various examination forms’ paper.
After a while longer, outside the window would also rise dazzling white.
At the end of the corridor the nurses stood together chattering about something, looking from afar like a few smudges of floating white ghosts.
He wanted to move, wanted to stand up, yet discovered the soul seemed to be firmly nailed here.
Chen Kuang no longer struggled, enduring the eye-floaters swelling pale-white line of sight, shakily and dully closing his eyes, hoping to obtain a moment of peaceful sleep.
…………
xixi susu—— \[onomatopoeia; rustling sound]
The sky brightened even faster than estimated, or maybe he slept too deeply, physical sense of time passed quickly.
Don’t know why the body is so hot, like being circled by something, a little tight, hard to move.
Could it be going to have a fever.
He felt helpless.
At this time anyone can get sick, but he absolutely cannot get sick.
“Chen Kuang… Chen Kuang…?” Soft and especially comfortable voice line calling him.
Chen Kuang furrowed his brows, feeling unfamiliar.
This voice, unlike the nurse or doctor responsible for this floor’s voice, never heard it before.
“Chen Kuang——”
“Hurry and wake up——hurry up.” This voice became urging, the grinding feeling very intimate, completely surpassing the sense of boundary between strangers.
His brows pressed low, not very fond of this kind of no-boundary feeling, casually acting cutesy toward strangers’ way of communication.
Chen Kuang raised his hand pinching the sore and swollen temples, pried open the sticky heavy eyelids——the vision dazed from the sunlight cast in through large glass windows.
Only until this moment did he realize what the thing tying him tightly in the dream was.
An arm, a slender white woman’s arm.
Her hand was even stretched into his clothes, touching his abdominal muscles, groping groping in a way especially ticklish.
……
……
?
Chen Kuang suddenly realized something was wrong.
This was not the hospital.
The shock sobered him up, immediately opening his still-unaccustomed-to-the-light eyes, propping himself up from the bed with both hands, “What——!”
The girl in front of him saw his reaction so big, her face switched to full confusion, kneeling on the bed looking at him pitifully.
“Mm?”
She looked very pretty, looking like just started university, face round round, eyes big and watery.
Don’t know why, seeing this face, the gloomy anger from just now being hugged and touched abdominal muscles for no reason was already dissipated more than half.
Chen Kuang glanced at the spacious master bedroom, swept a look at the couple’s matching pajamas on his body, for a moment lost the ability to think, lagging to the point he couldn’t even say words.
What situation.
The girl saw him stupidly dazed, pouted her mouth and pounced to hug his neck, “What are you dazing for, we agreed to go out together for breakfast today, in the end you didn’t even go for morning exercise, how come sleeping in later than me? What are you doing.”
Her body was too soft, pouncing over with a strong body fragrance, Chen Kuang’s body suddenly stiffened, only using slight strength to push the other party: “Wait, wait a moment.”
His breathing was a bit rushed, detached gaze landing on her, trying hard to maintain politeness: “……You, who?”
“Why am I here? This is whose house?”
Qiao Ling was pushed away by him and even asked such strange questions, her small face immediately dropped, sitting cross-legged hugging her arms, looking at him gloomily: “Hey, Mr. Chen, you can’t be this petty right?”
Chen Kuang frowned: “Me? I petty……”
She immediately interrupted, even kicked him with her foot: “Wasn’t it just last night I didn’t let you do it, is it necessary, such a small thing you can’t forget even after sleeping one night?”
“Have you not heard, doing-that-doing-it too frequently very easily gets tired of?”
“Still playing amnesia game, is this your new kink?” Qiao Ling tapped her chin, extending her words with a yin-yang strange tone: “Oh～ I get it now, this is that kind of stranger-play in manga right? Pretend to not know each other, then on the bed this and that passionately fiery, even more stimulating, even more shameful, right?”
“……You’re really bad, where did you learn that!?”
Chen Kuang fell silent.
Silent, and speechless.
Where did this nerve come from, even with a lecherous look.
Chen Kuang pulled open the blanket, seeing his pajama pants and underwear were all neatly worn, actually let out a quiet sigh of relief, still planned to reason with the other party: “I… am not joking.”
Already physically and mentally exhausted and encountering such a bizarre thing, he sat at the edge of the bed, pulling open the distance with her, patiently: “May I ask, what is our relationship?”
Qiao Ling completely got angry, joking a bit was fine, but what was this.
She pulled on slippers and stood up, stomped her foot at him, “I’m your girlfriend, your future wife! Fine, from now on temporarily not anymore, you don’t bother with me, I’ll go eat breakfast myself.”
Finishing speaking, she angrily left the bedroom.
Chen Kuang once again fell silent, quietly stood up, pacing and examining inside this warm and cozy master bedroom suite.
Whether it was the decoration, the area, or the garden community landscape below the high-rise outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, all told him this was a high-luxury community he currently absolutely had no ability to live in.
Why is he here? Before falling asleep sitting in the hospital corridor, it was clearly already around four-thirty, now the sun was hanging high, at least five or six hours had passed.
How did he get here, how could he be changed into clothes and hugged sleeping so long without any awareness…
Wait.
Chen Kuang had a bold suspicion.
He stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling window looking toward the faraway street and road.
Here.
Is it really Nan City?
Don’t know where his phone went either, just from the strength of the sunlight feeling, it’s definitely already past the morning class time, he sighed, originally didn’t want to skip class, but in the end by accident fell out of the plan again.
Chen Kuang stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, the shadow cast on the floor showing some signs of collapse, tensed for a moment, but still straightened up again.
Class was already missed, might as well head to the hospital. These past few days Mom was so tired even white hair had increased a lot, let her stay in the rented apartment and rest.
He turned and left the bedroom, planning to apologize to the young lady outside and leave here quickly.
Over the past year and more since his father got sick, running around everywhere, he had also learned to negotiate with all kinds of people. In his mind he drafted a set of proper and considerate farewell lines. But the moment he walked out of the master bedroom suite, catching a glimpse of the girl sulking on the sofa, all the words at the tip of his tongue disappeared again.
The two people, separated by a bit of distance, big eyes facing small eyes, fell into confrontation silence.
Chen Kuang stood stiffly in place, the hand hanging by his side grabbed at his pajama pants, silent for a long while, in the end only pressed down his Adam’s apple, turned and walked toward the door——
“Wait, where are you going.” Qiao Ling suddenly opened her mouth.
He stopped upon hearing the voice, turned his head to look at her, on that face that looked both smart and calm showing some awkwardness.
Could it be he really muddle-headedly with her…?
No, it shouldn’t be, he didn’t feel anything.
Logically speaking, if there was a first time there should be some feeling, right.
Qiao Ling was still not happy, thinking he was going downstairs wearing pajamas to buy that breakfast to coax her, beckoned at him with her hand: “You, come here, come over.”
Chen Kuang glanced at the door, thinking he should say a couple of proper words before leaving, so obediently paced over in her direction.
When he walked to the front, Qiao Ling simply stood up, standing on the sofa to increase height, so she wouldn’t have to raise her head to look at him again.
At this height, she could look at Chen Kuang eye to eye.
Qiao Ling pulled him over, both hands hooking around his a bit stiff neck, her gaze showing some worry, fingers smoothing his tightly furrowed brows.
“What’s wrong with you? Why after one sleep does it feel like you have a lot on your mind.”
Also, how to say it.
Always felt his aura wasn’t quite right, like dark and heavy, very tired and very repressed feeling.
“You haven’t changed clothes, where are you going?” she asked.
Chen Kuang was still in a state of not understanding the situation, right now only wanting to hurry to the hospital to know whether all this was real or fake. He met her gaze, speaking lightly: “To accompany my dad.”
“There are a lot of things today.”
Hearing this sentence, the doubtful expression on Qiao Ling’s face slowly became a bit pained, somewhat apologetically said: “…You, you miss them?”
“Not often hearing you mention them, actually you miss them quite a lot right? You dreamed about him while sleeping?” She sighed, hooking his neck and pouncing forward, hugging him in this posture.
“It’s okay, after a while I’ll find two days for the shop to rest, I’ll accompany you back to your hometown once?”
A warm and soft embrace came, Chen Kuang’s hands hovered empty on both sides, stunned from the hug, slowly blinked his eyes.
It was also at this moment, Chen Kuang lowered his eyes, seeing the digital clock placed in the sofa gap behind her, his gaze landing on that “Year 2025” place, his heart violently trembled.
Two…
2025?
In an instant, his brain buzzed into complete chaos.
This watch is so strange, how did the time get adjusted to eight years later.
Or maybe…
Chen Kuang raised his trembling hand, lightly touched her back, trying to ask: “My, my dad.”
“Is he… still here?”
So stupid, actually asking this kind of question.
Does he really think a person with late-stage cancer could miraculously live for eight more years?
Qiao Ling let go of him, a little startled by his abnormal behavior, but didn’t ask further, holding his face, in her panic there was a bit of sourness: “Have you been often dreaming that they’re still around?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this kind of thing, don’t keep it bottled up inside.”
“Chen Kuang, are you okay?”
That heart of Chen Kuang that was hanging in midair completely shattered into pieces. He lightly gripped her wrist, faced with her thoroughly pained gaze, his throat choked up.
Don’t know why, he suddenly thought of that disappointed yet complaining expression from Dan Zi before, and all the secret glances from everyone over the past year or so.
Not a single person ever showed such an expression like hers, as if feeling even more painful than he himself, truly wanting to share the burden for him.
“I read an article before,” Qiao Ling leaned closer, gently rubbing her forehead against his, comforting him, “it said if you have a dream that’s very close to reality, you must actively try to forget it as soon as you wake up.”
“Because if you keep remembering the content of the dream over and over, some people might really one day be unable to tell reality from the dream, it’s not good for mental state.”
“Chen Kuang, it’s okay, I’m here with you.”
She smiled gently, trying her best to mention some happy things so he wouldn’t keep recalling heavy dream content, “They don’t hurt anymore now, and you won’t be so tired anymore.”
“Right now you’re doing so well, you have so many friends like Sister Rouyin and the others, not only can mix drinks, but you’re also about to become the person in charge of Xie Lisheng Company’s branch in Binyang, you have a house, a car, and me—this universe’s number one perfect girlfriend.”
“Career, love, friendship—you have them all.” Qiao Ling hugged him and swayed slightly, “Mm… as for family, there will be in the future too.”
“There will be a new home personally built by you.”
Chen Kuang was hugged by her, listening to these unrealistic words, yet the hole inside his heart was miraculously being stitched up little by little, the feeling of exhaustion also peeling away bit by bit.
Really was tired to the point of madness, actually starting to have the same ridiculous big dream as other guys his age, about house, car, money, and beautiful girlfriend.
After a while, he raised both hands, gently hugged her into his arms, face buried in the spot on her shoulder, wanting to indulge in the dream just like that, muffling a sentence:
“Mm… I’ll borrow your lucky words.”
Qiao Ling thought he had cheered up, smilingly urged him, “Then hurry and go change clothes, wash up, we’ll go out to eat breakfast at the citizens’ restaurant.”
Chen Kuang was half-pushed half-dragged by her into the bathroom, and the door closed.
The space once again fell into quiet. He looked at the face in the mirror that was slightly different from usual, sure enough, this must really be a dream.
Eight years later, he would really grow to look like this?
Hope so. At least not much older.
He lifted the toilet cover and sat down, saw a phone placed beside him, picked it up, it unlocked automatically recognizing his face.
Chen Kuang quietly stared at the dial pad, knowing clearly it was just a dream, yet couldn’t help but dial his father’s phone number.
After dialing, there wasn’t even a ringing tone waiting for connection—directly popped out a “Sorry, the number you dialed is an empty number.”
His fingers holding the phone trembled slightly, then unwilling to accept it, he dialed his mother’s number again.
“Sorry, the number you dialed is an empty number.”
The phone that kept repeating this cruel reality slowly lowered, Chen Kuang stared at the ground, slowly lowered his head, after a while, actually let out a laugh.
Already dreaming.
Since it’s already such a grand dream of becoming a winner in life.
Why couldn’t it include bringing along his mom and dad as well.
Heaven is really ruthless, even in a dream unwilling to return healthy and safe parents to him.
…………
Early spring in Binyang City, there was still some chill in the wind, but the morning sunshine was abundant, people wrapped up tightly yet all looked energetic.
Qiao Ling was taking him on a walk toward the breakfast street block, chatting along the way about all sorts of daily trivial matters, as if intentionally wanting to help him dispel the lingering effect of the dream.
Chen Kuang had long legs, yet inexplicably found it hard to keep up.
So tired, legs couldn’t even lift.
Dreaming of doing this kind of walking exercise early in the morning after only sleeping three to four hours.
Hopefully, he could wake up soon, don’t miss this morning’s class, then after class immediately rush to the hospital, today there was still a checkup to accompany dad to finish, and… what else was there.
No problem, don’t worry, before closing his eyes he had set the phone alarm, won’t be delayed.
“Chen Kuang, did you hear what I said?” Qiao Ling stopped, turned her head to look at him, suspicious.
Chen Kuang interrupted his mental planning, “Hm? Hm, I heard.”
“You really are distracted today, forget it.” Qiao Ling took a step closer, reached out to hold his hand in his pocket, “Even walking so slowly, hurry up, the shop’s siumai sells out very easily.”
The girl had more strength than he imagined, actually completely pulling him along, walking faster forward.
“Look, beside the snow pile there’s even little green sprouts coming out from the ground.” Qiao Ling pointed at the withered grass patch by the roadside, “Isn’t life really amazing, even with the snow’s low temperature, grass can sprout up from the frozen hard soil, pushing through the snow.”
Is life amazing? He only felt powerless.
Chen Kuang didn’t say anything.
Then Qiao Ling suddenly “shh”ed, pulling him to slowly squat down, “Look… what is that?”
Chen Kuang felt puzzled, followed her to crouch down, tilted his head and looked, saw a stray cat curled under the grass.
The stray cat was a bit dirty but fat, at a glance clearly fed well by the passersby of this snack street, not afraid seeing them, staring with round eyes back at them, letting out a meow.
Like asking if they had food, if yes hurry up and take it out, if not then quickly scram.
Chen Kuang saw her take out a sausage from her down jacket pocket, froze: “Where… did you get that sausage from.”
“Yesterday eating instant noodles at the shop, there was some left so I just stuffed it in my pocket, hehe.” Qiao Ling scratched her head, tore open the sausage packaging with her teeth, then sucked her lips at the kitten, “Come, come here Mimi.”
The kitten had no wariness at all, seeing the sausage it crawled out from the grass, sniffing its nose slowly approaching her.
Ever since family members got cancer, Chen Kuang faced with his father who was rapidly growing thin every day, more and more couldn’t stand seeing this kind of scene full of vitality, having a sort of pathological resistance.
He squatted beside Qiao Ling, quietly watching her feeding the cat with a radiant smile. Somehow, as seconds passed, Chen Kuang actually found it hard to look away.
Unfortunately, it was a dream.
He didn’t even know if, when he woke up, in real life, he would still be able to meet such a warm and lively person.
With the kind of gloomy, dispirited appearance he had now, even if there was someone like that, they probably wouldn’t want to get close to him.
Things like love—was he even worthy of it? Even if he had it, it would only bring trouble to others, right.
Forget it, already dreaming anyway, what’s the point of thinking about these things.
“That…” Chen Kuang pulled at his dry throat.
She was seriously feeding the cat, responding: “Hm?”
Since she was his girlfriend, then…
Chen Kuang focused on her clean face illuminated by both snow and sunlight, “You, what do you like about me?”
What was there about him that was worth being liked by such a bright girl?
“What do I like about you?” Qiao Ling was confused, turning her head to stare at his face that offended both gods and men.
Should she give a proper answer right now? Uh… he was really acting strange today.
Chen Kuang’s expression was very serious, unintentionally revealing a kind of lost feeling like a few years ago.
He avoided her gaze, “Mm, how did you think of dating someone like me? I’m quite curious.”
Qiao Ling directly put down the remaining piece of sausage, leaving it all for the kitten, standing up with both hands on her knees, speaking: “I don’t know if you’ll believe this.”
“Chen Kuang, have you ever felt a moment where you were pulled by fate, or struck by it?”
Chen Kuang maintained his squatting posture, raising his head to look at her, eyes squinting slightly from being stung by the morning light behind Qiao Ling.
The girl standing against the sunlight bent over, stretched out her hand to him, smiling so brightly her cheeks were full: “When you appeared at my door, I just felt, there would definitely be a story between us that surpasses ordinary relationships.”
“It’s also because of you that I became certain.”
“That all the choices at past destiny nodes, whether good or bad,” Qiao Ling lifted her now empty hand, gesturing for him to hurry and hold it, while explaining her grand theory: “were all in preparation for this moment’s encounter with someone or something.”
“If even a single node had gone wrong, there wouldn’t be today.”
“Don’t you think destiny and life are both especially especially nice words?”
She grabbed his arm, leaning her body back, pulling him up from below, “Hurry and get up.”
“Let’s go, Chen Kuang! We don’t have much time left!”
Chen Kuang had squatted too long, and facing the light, in the instant of being pulled up, his vision went black.
His brain was filled with a vast white light, dazed and warm.
Buzz——
He took a step forward, really wanting to follow the girl in his dream to try out that breakfast shop.
…………
“Xiao Kuang, ah, Xiao Kuang.”
Chen Kuang abruptly opened his eyes, the light before him making him dizzy. He shook his head hard to adjust.
He propped up his exhausted body, taking three seconds before clearly seeing his mother’s face standing in front of him.
“…Mom.”
An overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness surged to the top of his head. Chen Kuang suppressed this strange kind of sadness, looking around the hospital corridor, lightly coughing: “What time is it already? Why did you come?”
“It’s not early anymore, don’t you have class at nine today? It’s already almost eight o’clock, if riding your bike won’t make it, just take a taxi.” Li Huijun took out one hundred yuan cash from her pocket, “Don’t save this bit of money, look at yourself, already skinny like a monkey.”
Chen Kuang frowned. He hadn’t expected the alarm he set for six thirty actually didn’t ring. He hurriedly got up, but was pushed back down by his mother: “Once you get to class, don’t keep running back here, don’t fall behind on your studies.”
“Your dad doesn’t have many checkups today, I can accompany him myself.”
Li Huijun looked at her heavy-hearted son, feeling bad inside, pulled out a faint smile and gently patted his head, “Eat something good.”
“You grew so fast during puberty, I can’t even remember how long it’s been since I last patted your head like this.”
Chen Kuang lowered his head, the warmth of his mother’s palm burning his eye sockets sore, gripping that one hundred yuan, trembling.
He managed a laugh with difficulty.
Li Huijun took out a card from her bag, handed it to him: “Alright, go.”
“Before leaving, help me pay this round of your dad’s medicine fees.”
“Don’t worry, Mom still has money, you just focus on your studies, ah.”
Chen Kuang didn’t dare look into his mother’s eyes, standing up with the card in hand.
After walking two steps, he suddenly stopped, turned his head, and called out to that thin figure just about to walk toward the hospital room door: “Mom—”
Li Huijun stood in front of the white hospital room door, turned her head, “What is it?”
Chen Kuang restrained his trembling voice, forcing a stiff smile, after several seconds only said: “Nothing.”
“Just wanted to call you.”
Li Huijun smiled helplessly, turned and pulled open the hospital room door to go inside.
…………
After parting from his mother, Chen Kuang as usual went to the first floor lobby to pay his father’s medical fees.
Faced with the large expense consumption of cancer treatment, every time he went to pay, he felt heavy, even somewhat resistant.
The little money at home was already used up long ago.
This money, no idea from which relative it was borrowed this time.
His mom hated asking people for help the most. This money must’ve been hard to get.
From early morning, the top hospital was already crowded with people, especially the lobby. Even though it was still morning, it was already packed with people.
People hurried by all around, no one had the energy to pay attention to this slow-paced young man.
When he was about to reach the payment area, Chen Kuang suddenly stopped, standing amidst the bustling crowd, like a statue frozen in place.
He lowered his head for a long time, the bank card in his hand pressing into his palm painfully, as if stabbing into his bones.
In Chen Kuang’s mind, the dream he just had kept surfacing again and again, and the person in that dream.
【Fate and life, both are especially especially good words.】
Is that so?
Could it really be like that?
For a moment.
He finally bent down his still-stiff back, both hands propping against his knees, a fragile shadow cast onto the spotless floor.
A passerby glanced quickly, catching sight of this tall young man’s violently trembling shoulders.
Sighing.
Chen Kuang ignored the drop of tear falling down, tugging at the corner of his mouth with a silent laugh.
Then, believe once more.