A warm summer night breeze drifted in from the window, causing the candle flame concealed behind the lamp screen to flicker slightly. Yet, the two people in the room were clearly not paying attention to this, nor did they bother to acknowledge it.
Madam Qi fixed her gaze firmly on the young man beside her, his gray robes complementing his refined and handsome features.
“Yes.”
She heard his unreserved answer, yet she still couldn’t help but be stunned.
“…How could this be?”
She murmured softly, disbelief still evident on her face.
“You and Yinyin have never met before, and besides, Yinyin has long been married. You and she…” She frowned slightly as she spoke, fleeting thoughts flashing through her mind, but before they could fully surface, she forcefully suppressed them.
She knew these two children well.
They were both good children, utterly incapable of violating propriety or engaging in any improper relationship. Besides, from Yinyin’s recent behavior, it was clear she was unfamiliar with Yu’er.
“Could it be…”
A vague suspicion arose in her heart, prompting her to look up at the man sitting across from her.
Qi Yubai seemed to know what she was thinking. He did not hide anything and nodded.
“You guessed correctly. I met her a long time ago, back in Jinling.”
The first time he saw Lanyin was in the residence of the Wang family’s old madam.
At that time, he had been entrusted to Wang Guannan, who was a few years older than him, by the Wang family’s grandmother. She had asked the Wang family children to take him out to play, and when it was time to return, that was when he saw Lanyin.
She was sitting on the grandmother’s lap, younger than him, yet far more affectionate and caring.
Watching the grandmother weep, she lifted her chubby little hands to wipe away the old lady’s tears, blowing softly as she murmured, “Blow on it, and it won’t be sad anymore.”
Even though he was only a year older than Lanyin at the time, he had always been precocious and mature beyond his years. Back then, he thought little Lanyin was quite foolish—how could sadness in this world be blown away just like that? Yet, at the same time, he genuinely envied her innocence.
Being able to live with such innocence was a blessing.
At the very least, it meant she had never experienced the darkness of the world.
That day—
He had chosen not to enter the room.
He had been raised under his grandfather’s strict teachings and knew well the proprieties between men and women, even though he and Lanyin were far from the age where such concerns should matter.
He still remembered Wang Guannan’s stunned expression when he refused to go in with that as his reason. Wang Guannan had laughed so hard he clutched his stomach, nearly rolling on the ground. Qi Yubai, however, simply cast him a calm glance before turning and leaving.
He had not asked for Lanyin’s name, nor had he inquired about her identity, yet in his heart, he had assumed that a child as lively and innocent as her must be the pampered young miss of one of the Wang family’s branches.
It was only by chance that he later learned who she really was.
By then, he and his grandmother had already moved away from the Wang family’s residence. However, the Wang family’s old madam was kind-hearted and allowed him to study at the Wang family’s ancestral school along with the other boys of the clan.
One day, after school, Wang Chengze invited him to the Wang family for dinner. On the way there, he overheard a few servants discussing the affairs of the Changxing Marquis Manor.
Even he had heard some rumors about that household.
He remembered his grandmother mentioning that during the Lantern Festival, two children had been taken out to play, but only the eldest daughter returned. The younger daughter had gone missing in the bustling streets, and even after half a month of searching, the marquis’ household had found no trace of her. He had also heard that the Marchioness of Changxing blamed everything on the eldest daughter, treating her as though she were an enemy.
“You think our young cousin can still go back? She’s not going to stay in our household forever, is she?”
“Who knows? I heard that before our young cousin arrived, she was abandoned by our lady aunt. If not for her clever servant woman, she might have gone missing too.”
“This… after all, they are mother and daughter. Our lady aunt’s actions seem a bit excessive.”
“Mother and daughter? But now, our lady aunt looks at her as if she were an enemy. If the situation hadn’t escalated so much, would our old madam have personally gone to Lin’an to bring her back?”
“Truly a pitiful one.”
When Qi Yubai first heard these words, he didn’t realize they were talking about Lanyin. He didn’t react much and was about to leave when he noticed a small figure standing near the bushes. It was the same girl he had encountered once before—Lanyin.
She was facing the two maids, her small face pale, tears brimming in her eyes. Yet, she didn’t take a single step forward. Instead, before anyone could notice her, she turned away with reddened eyes and ran off.
Only then did he learn her identity.
The legitimate eldest daughter of the Changxing Marquis Manor, the young cousin of the Wang family. She was indeed of noble birth, just as he had imagined, but she had not been raised with love and indulgence. On the contrary, she was even more pitiful than he was.
Though his family was ruined, he still had his grandmother to rely on, and she had even severed ties with her own family for his sake. The household servants all respected him. But Lanyin… even with the Wang family’s old madam doting on her, she had to endure the whispers of others. Even worse, her own mother treated her like an enemy, wishing nothing more than to cast her away.
Perhaps because they both shared the experience of living under someone else’s roof, Lanyin’s presence gradually took root in Qi Yubai’s heart.
He began to watch over her in silence.
He knew that whenever she was sad, she would hide in an abandoned rear garden of the Wang residence to cry.
She never showed her weakness in front of others, never let the Wang family’s old madam worry about her. She would swallow all her sorrow and grievances alone. Yet, when she stepped outside, she was still the gentle and obedient young cousin who always greeted others with a smile.
Gu Lanyin would never know how many times he had listened to her cry from the other side of the wall—on rainy days, sunny days, snowy days…
Years passed.
She was inside the courtyard, and he was outside. Even though they had never spoken, even though she never even knew he existed, he had watched this little girl grow up little by little.
He had seen her in many forms—her red-rimmed eyes when she cried in secret, the composed and gentle smile she wore in front of others. He had once stood in the rain, holding an umbrella, listening to her cries blend into the sound of raindrops. He had once, in a drunken stupor, drawn close to her.
Gu Lanyin would never know that when he drunkenly stumbled toward her that time, he had not been completely lost in his intoxication. Some part of him was still sober, yet he had allowed himself to act as if he were truly drunk. When he saw her, he couldn’t help but draw near.
That was the first time he had lost control.
He didn’t know why.
Perhaps it was because at the banquet, Chengze had mentioned that she would be leaving soon. She had been betrothed since childhood, and after spending so many years in Jinling, it was finally time for her to return to the marquis’ estate and prepare for her wedding.
And so, he stumbled toward her.
Her maid scolded him for his recklessness, but she merely shook her head. She didn’t even glance at him but still told the maid to stay behind and had someone prepare a sobering soup for him.
The wine was not what intoxicated him—he had already lost himself.
There were too many things she didn’t know.
Qi Yubai turned the prayer beads in his hand, looking at his grandmother’s stunned expression. He knew what she was thinking. Shifting his gaze to the flickering candlelight, he slowly said,
“I don’t even know when I started liking her.”
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it before. They had never spoken, had never truly spent time together, so why was it that it could only be her?
Before Lanyin was married, Qi Yubai had never considered that he liked her.
He thought he merely paid more attention to her than others did. He thought that once she was married, it would all be fine.
But things didn’t go as he had expected.
After Lanyin got married, Qi Yubai’s attention toward her did not wane but instead intensified. He never deliberately sought out news of her, yet whenever others mentioned her in conversation, he would unconsciously pause to listen.
He knew that Lanyin’s married life was not a happy one.
Because of her difficulty in conceiving, despite her exceptional abilities, her husband’s family was dissatisfied with her in many ways. As for Xiao Mingchuan—her husband—he had once become acquainted with the second daughter of the Gu family due to past ties. Even after completing the wedding rites with Lanyin, he could not let go of the guilt he felt toward that woman. In the third year of his marriage, he even brought her into the household, turning Lanyin into the laughingstock of Bianjing.
It was then that the calmness in Qi Yubai’s heart began to waver.
He started to think—if Lanyin had married him, he would never have treated her like that. A girl as wonderful as her should have been cherished, held with care, not subjected to such torment.
He wanted to go to her.
But even if he did find her, what could he say?
There was nothing he could say, and nothing he could do. This world had always been cruel to women. It allowed men to act as they pleased, yet it bound women’s souls—demanding their virtue, their obedience, forcing them to submit to their husbands even when their lives were filled with suffering, leaving them trapped in the confines of their own courtyards.
…
Qi Yubai thought to himself.
Perhaps his love for Lanyin had grown day by day, little by little, without him even realizing it. By the time he became aware of it, she had already taken root in his heart. Yet, bound by ethics and morals, his love turned into a torment that burned him in a raging fire—his heart, once a tranquil lake, now stirred into violent storms, dark tides surging beneath the surface.
Lanyin would never know the kind of impact she had on him.
After her death, he wandered across mountains and rivers, believing that if he traveled far enough and saw enough of the world, he would eventually forget her. But everywhere he went, he saw her in everything—the mountains were her, the clouds were her, the rivers and landscapes were all her.
And in the end, he turned to the quiet halls of Buddhist temples.
He had once believed that Buddhism could rid him of all worldly attachments, could erase his desires, anger, obsession, and love. But after thousands of days and nights, instead of learning to let go, he became even more painfully aware of one thing—
He loved her.
He could not let her go.
The room was as bright as daytime with the glow of the lamps, yet as Madam Qi looked at the smile on her grandson’s face, she saw something she had never seen before—genuine happiness.
He was so joyful, yet her heart inexplicably ached.
Choking up, she asked, “…You foolish child, why have you never told me any of this?”
Qi Yubai smiled at her. “At first, I wasn’t sure if what I felt for her was love. Besides, she was already betrothed then—telling you would only put you in a difficult position. Later, when I understood my feelings, she was already married. Bringing it up would have only made you sad.”
As he spoke, he gently wiped her tears with a handkerchief.
His normally cold and indifferent face now appeared soft and warm under the candlelight. His voice, too, was gentle. “Earlier, I didn’t want to tell you who she was because I was afraid you wouldn’t like her.”
“How could I not like her? Yinyin is such a good girl—I can’t even dote on her enough! Or do you think I’m one of those old-fashioned people who cannot accept a woman who has been married before?” Madam Qi huffed, displeased.
She was about to say more when a thought suddenly struck her. Her expression froze as she turned to look at Qi Yubai. Seeing the composed and unperturbed look on his face, she suddenly understood what he meant by those words.
She was both amused and exasperated. Looking at him with a half-smile, she asked, “Oh? So you were afraid I’d bully your wife?”
“What, you’re not afraid now?”
“You treat her even better than you treat me. I’m only afraid that in the future, you’ll be so focused on helping her that you won’t even care about your grandson anymore,” Qi Yubai replied honestly.
“Hmph!”
“Yinyin is adorable, of course, she’s more lovable than you,” Madam Qi retorted, snatching the handkerchief from him to wipe her own tears.
After a moment, she asked, “Since you love Yinyin, why haven’t you told her?”
Now that she understood her grandson’s feelings, she also understood why he acted differently when he was around Yinyin. But there were still too few of those moments—was this how he was supposed to pursue the one he loved?
She couldn’t help but worry.
What if her grandson didn’t know how to woo a woman?
Just as she was about to offer him some advice, she heard him say, “Grandmother, do you think she has any thoughts of remarrying now?”
Madam Qi was momentarily stunned. After realizing what he meant, she carefully recalled her recent interactions with Lanyin. After a while, she shook her head, sighed, and frowned. “She has probably been hurt too deeply.”
“Then you…” She frowned.
“Slow and steady.” Qi Yubai, however, remained as composed as ever.
“It may take some time, Grandmother,” he said gently. “Please don’t let her notice for now. She may seem gentle and easygoing, as if she can speak freely with anyone, but in reality, she’s like a little hedgehog. At the slightest sign of danger, she will curl up and retreat.”
He wasn’t afraid of being pricked by her thorns—he was only afraid that she would never be willing to see him again.
Madam Qi understood that given Lanyin’s current state, patience was the only way forward. But looking at her grandson’s face, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. “Living like this… don’t you find it painful?”
Qi Yubai turned the prayer beads in his hand and let out a soft laugh. “To me, it is sweet as honey.”
He feared nothing—except the possibility that, like in their past life, she would disappear before his eyes once more.
He was not yet strong enough to defy fate and snatch her back from the grasp of death.
As long as Lanyin was still here, as long as she was alive and well, he feared nothing else.
Since he had already spoken so decisively, Madam Qi naturally had nothing more to say. She nodded. “Rest assured, I won’t let Yinyin notice anything.”
“There is one more thing,” Qi Yubai said, turning to Madam Qi.
“What is it?”
Qi Yubai slowly turned the prayer beads in his hand, his gaze resting steadily on the elderly woman’s face. His voice was calm and measured. “Her health is uncertain—I don’t know if she will be able to conceive. I know you love children, Grandmother, but some things are determined by fate. I cannot promise you that you will have a direct descendant to carry on our line.”
Madam Qi’s expression grew complicated.
She understood what he meant—whether or not Lanyin could bear children, she would be the only woman by his side.
When it came to lineage, she couldn’t say she was entirely pleased. But she also didn’t protest. In her hands was a string of prayer beads—usually, she only used them for worship, but now, like Qi Yubai, she slowly turned them between her fingers.
After one full rotation, she finally sighed and said in a soft voice, “I never truly expected to have one.”
For many years, her grandson had devoted himself entirely to his work, refusing to even look at women. She had once thought that if he truly preferred men, then she would find him a good match—so long as he did not live his life alone in cold solitude.
It was only recently, upon hearing him mention that he had a woman he cared for, that she dared to hold out hope again.
Now, if she claimed she wasn’t at all disappointed, it would be a lie. But it wasn’t something she couldn’t accept. In the end, her greatest wish had never been about heirs—it had always been about him having someone by his side, someone who understood him, someone who could share his warmth.
“Your great-uncles have plenty of descendants. If you and Yinyin truly don’t have children, adopting one will do just fine.”
The moment she said it out loud, she felt much lighter. Looking at him again, she had returned to her usual self.
“After all this talk, if you don’t bring Yinyin back as your wife, let’s see how I deal with you!”
Qi Yubai chuckled. “I will do my best, Grandmother, and strive to have her call you ‘Grandmother’ as soon as possible.”
Only then did Madam Qi finally look satisfied.