The night was deep.
After dinner, Lanyin sat on the lacquered red railing in front of the door.
She was currently in the backyard of the silk shop on Shili Street. This was the largest silk shop in her possession. In Shili Street, where every inch of land was worth its weight in gold, this shop occupied a vast space. The front had three floors dedicated to selling goods, while the back led directly to a single-entry courtyard. Even if this shop did not make a profit, Lanyin knew that if she ever decided to sell it, she could still secure a life of comfort and ease for the rest of her days.
Back when her maternal grandmother handed this shop over to her, who knew how many eyes in the Wang family turned red with envy? However, this was her maternal grandmother’s dowry shop, and it was located in Bianjing, far away from them. No matter how much they coveted it, there was nothing they could say.
Thinking of her maternal grandmother, Lanyin’s heart suddenly softened. She didn’t even know where her grandmother was now.
She missed her.
Especially at times like this, she deeply wished that her grandmother could be by her side. If her grandmother were here, she wouldn’t feel so lonely, and she wouldn’t… feel so miserable.
Perhaps because the fifteenth was approaching, the stars were particularly brilliant tonight, and the moon was round. The silvery light illuminated Lanyin’s figure, as if draping her in a river of stars. She tilted her head back to gaze at the sky, habitually clutching a Changming thread in her hand.
This was something she had taken with her when she left that day.
Originally, she had intended to lock it back in the box, but after much hesitation, she ultimately did not do so.
Greed and selfishness made her take it with her in the end. She thought that, in any case, it was just an ordinary thread. Even if someone saw it, they wouldn’t think much of it. It could just be… a keepsake.
A keepsake that no one else would ever know about.
Lanyin knew that her actions were strange. On one hand, she did not dare to accept Qi Yubai’s feelings, wanting to stay away from him, believing that as time passed, she would be able to forget him. Yet on the other hand, she still held onto the things he had given her, unwilling to let go so easily.
A sound of footsteps approached.
Lanyin turned in the direction of the sound and saw Shi Yu. She was holding a lacquered red tray, upon which sat a bowl of calming soup.
Perhaps because she had changed her living environment, Lanyin had been struggling to sleep these past few nights. Even burning calming incense had no effect. It hadn’t mattered much in the past few days, as she had nothing urgent to do, and no one would scold her even if she slept until noon. But tomorrow was the grand opening, and she had to make an appearance in person.
So after dinner, she had asked Shi Yu to instruct the kitchen to prepare a bowl of calming soup for her that night.
“Have they all gone to bed?” she asked Shi Yu.
The “they” she referred to were the embroiderers she had hired a few days ago. They lived in the front courtyard.
Due to the tight schedule, all four shops needed new garments, so the embroiderers had been staying here to work overtime. Fortunately, the accommodations were convenient. Though the space was previously used for storage, after being properly cleaned up, it was no worse than a regular residence. Lanyin had even hired servants to cook and do laundry for them. She had also promised that if they wished to continue living here, they could, and if they preferred not to stay, she would increase their monthly wages to support their daily expenses.
“They haven’t slept yet,” Shi Yu replied. “You ordered some soup for them, and when the servants delivered it, they were still awake.”
Lanyin nodded, taking the bowl of calming soup from Shi Yu and drinking it. After handing the empty bowl back, she wiped the corners of her lips with a handkerchief. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the dark circles under Shi Yu’s eyes, and her heart softened. Shi Yu had been just as exhausted these past few days, staying up with her.
In a gentle voice, Lanyin said, “I don’t need anyone keeping watch at night. You’ve been tired as well. If you’re sleepy, go get some rest.”
Shi Yu shook her head, still insisting on staying with her. “I’m not tired, Miss.”
After taking the empty bowl inside, Shi Yu returned with a round fan. Though May nights were not yet unbearably hot, mosquitoes had already begun to appear. She sat beside Lanyin, fanning away the insects for her.
The courtyard was quiet.
Lanyin saw Shi Yu hesitate several times, as if wanting to say something but stopping herself. How could she not know what was on her mind? A few days ago, she had pretended not to notice, but since the Qi family’s grandmother would be coming tomorrow, after a moment of silence, she finally instructed, “Tomorrow, stay in the backyard. There’s no need for you to help at the front.”
She feared that the Qi family’s grandmother would notice something, and she also feared that Qi Yubai would guess the truth.
“Why?” Shi Yu asked hesitantly, seemingly unable to understand. But when she saw the expression on Lanyin’s face, she guessed the reason. Shi Yu bit her lip and, unable to hold back any longer, looked at Lanyin and asked, “Have you really thought this through?”
Lanyin knew what she was referring to. Her grip on the long-life thread tightened, yet her expression did not waver in the slightest. She merely responded with a faint “Mm.”
“Then why do you hold onto this thread every single day?”
Lanyin was stunned by Shi Yu’s question. Her grip on the thread instinctively tightened, and she looked at Shi Yu, who had reddened eyes, in a daze. She murmured, “You… how…”
“The bracelet that Ting Yun and I made for you is still hanging on your bed canopy. If you had made this one yourself, the knot would have two loops—that has been your habit since you were a child,” Shi Yu said, wiping away her tears. “Last Dragon Boat Festival, when Ting Yun returned, she said you took a black wooden box. That box was given to you by the Master. But all this time, you haven’t had anything new by your side—except…” Her gaze fell onto Lanyin’s hand as she spoke softly, “this bracelet in your hand.”
“Master…”
Tears welled up in Shi Yu’s eyes as she knelt at Lanyin’s feet, looking up at her with a choked voice. “You have been torturing yourself every day, and you’ve lost so much weight. Why can’t you just be a little kinder to yourself?”
Lanyin didn’t speak. She couldn’t.
She simply lowered her gaze, staring at Shi Yu’s tear-streaked face. After a moment of silence, she merely reached out and gently patted Shi Yu’s head. “It’s late. Go to sleep.”
With that, she rose and walked toward her room.
Behind her, Shi Yu called out, “Then how long will you keep doing this?”
Lanyin’s footsteps paused. After a long silence, she could only answer in a hoarse voice, “I don’t know either…”
She had originally thought she would forget Qi Yubai in no time. After all, they had only known each other for less than a month. Even if he had helped her in their past life, how could that have led to such deep, unforgettable feelings? She had convinced herself that it was merely because she had seen Qi Yubai too often lately, grown used to his presence, and had been influenced by a few absurd dreams—that was why she had mistaken it for affection.
A little time apart would fix everything.
A little time apart would make her realize that she didn’t actually like Qi Yubai that much. Perhaps she didn’t even like him at all—it was just a fleeting moment of infatuation.
But after separating, instead of fading, her longing for him only grew stronger. Whenever she had a moment of idleness, her mind was filled with thoughts of him—wondering how he was doing, whether his shoulder still hurt, whether the soup and late-night snacks suited his taste, and what he must be thinking now that she hadn’t returned for so many days.
In the end, Lanyin could only use work to numb herself.
To avoid thinking about Qi Yubai, she had even personally taken up the embroidery work alongside the seamstresses.
But it wasn’t very effective. Being busy could only distract her temporarily. The moment she had time to breathe, her thoughts drifted back to him. Sometimes, while eating, she would see a familiar dish and instinctively reach out with her chopsticks to serve him a portion—only to realize that no one was there. In the end, she would put the food into her own bowl, yet she could barely swallow.
Lanyin couldn’t pinpoint exactly when she had fallen for Qi Yubai.
Perhaps it had happened during their countless interactions, perhaps it was in the quiet, unspoken care he had given her. She only knew that now, trying to forget Qi Yubai was excruciatingly difficult. But no matter how hard it was, she had to forget him. At the very least, she couldn’t let him notice her feelings.
She believed that as long as she didn’t respond to him, Qi Yubai’s affection for her would soon fade.
She wasn’t that special.
There were far too many women in this world better than her. He deserved a better life—to marry a virtuous wife and have a pair of children.
Lanyin bit her lip and closed her eyes. Her dark lashes trembled under the moonlight. Her heart was reluctant, but she stubbornly pushed those feelings down. When she opened her eyes again, everything seemed to return to normal. She lifted her foot and continued walking into the room.
…
The next morning.
Lanyin woke up early.
The calming soup from the previous night had indeed helped her fall asleep quickly, but her sleep had been restless. When she woke, her head was foggy and aching, making her feel terribly unwell.
When Shi Yu was applying her makeup, she noticed Lanyin constantly rubbing her temples and couldn’t help but frown and advise, “Perhaps you shouldn’t go today.”
Lanyin shook her head, “Other times it might be fine, but today, under these circumstances, I must make an appearance.” Although Shopkeeper Sun had earlier used the matter of her divorce to create buzz for the clothing store, Lanyin was well aware that, compared to the new store opening, what people most wanted to see was her.
They wanted to see what she looked like now, after leaving the Earl’s mansion and divorcing Xiao Ye.
If she didn’t go out today, it might be hard to manage the situation outside.
“Apply the makeup,” Lanyin said.
Indeed, she hadn’t slept well and was very tired, feeling uncomfortable both mentally and physically. But fatigue was a common occurrence for her. Even in the past at the Earl’s mansion, if she hadn’t slept the night before, the next day she still had to face the stewards and managers, giving orders and handling affairs.
She was used to it.
Glancing at the longevity bracelet on the table, Lanyin pursed her red lips. She wasn’t just a young girl who only knew about love; she had her own life. She hadn’t forgotten Qi Yubai, but she wouldn’t let her emotions disrupt her plans or her composure.
Seeing her insistence, Shi Yu stopped persuading and instead focused on dressing her up.
Because she was to meet people today, Lanyin specifically applied a full face of makeup and wore formal attire: a light green robe with a standing collar paired with a yellow gold stamping printed horse-face skirt. The lapels and sleeves were adorned with Shu embroidery of peonies, intricate and colorful, with the buttons made of auspicious cloud-shaped gold. Her smooth black hair was coiled at the back of her head, adorned with exquisite and ornate kingfisher feather hairpins, making Lanyin look both elegant and noble.
Shortly after she finished dressing, someone came to fetch her.
There was an auspicious time for the opening, and firecrackers needed to be set off. Afraid of missing the time, Shopkeeper Sun had been waiting in the courtyard early in the morning. Seeing that the time was almost right, he sent a maid to invite her.
“Understood, tell Shopkeeper Sun to go ahead and entertain the guests outside, I’ll be there shortly,” Lanyin instructed the maid. After the maid respectfully acknowledged and left, she still didn’t move.
“Master.”
Shi Yu waited for a while but saw no movement from her, so she softly called out.
“Go wait outside first,” Lanyin ordered.
After Shi Yu left, Lanyin looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t as calm and composed as she appeared; she was nervous too. This opening, countless eyes in Bianjing City were watching her.
But no matter how nervous she was, she had to face it.
There was no one behind her to help her, only herself.