When Qi Buyan played the forbidden tune, he was determined to die together with He Sui’an.
But he hesitated and didn’t succeed.
The moment the butterfly-shaped silver chains on his body broke, Qi Buyan witnessed the heavy snow taking He Sui’an away. In the end, she left him.
Before death, people’s minds might flash through past events repeatedly.
Before closing his eyes, Qi Buyan recalled the first time he saw He Sui’an: she was wearing an orange long dress, with her hair styled in a butterfly bun, looking dirty all over, and her head had been injured.
It was his first time coming down from the mountain, and he had already seen and killed many people on his way to Weicheng, so he didn’t find He Sui’an special at all, just thought she was too weak, always having red eyes and crying.
She also talked a lot.
Unlike the poisonous Gu insects he raised.
When He Sui’an cried and begged him to bury the old nanny, Qi Buyan agreed on the condition that a black snake bite her as the price. After burying the old nanny, when he was about to leave Weicheng, she grabbed him.
Few people ever grabbed Qi Buyan.
Qi Shu often pushed him away; Bian Yichen rarely touched him; even Aunt Cui, who sent him back to Miaojiang Tianshui Village, kept her distance intentionally or unintentionally, fearing he would turn out like his father.
After entering Miaojiang Tianshui Village, Qi Buyan pushed someone into the water for stepping on and killing his Gu insect, causing the villagers to fear him. He was a child capable of such deeds at a young age.
Now, not only did He Sui’an grab him, but she also said she wanted to follow him.
Qi Buyan looked into He Sui’an’s eyes and, driven by an inexplicable urge, decided to see what it was like to raise a person, so he kept her by his side like he would a Gu insect.
Raising a person seemed different from raising a Gu insect.
No, it was very different.
He Sui’an would talk to him, hold his hand, and hug him.
Qi Buyan had lived for eighteen years, spending most of them alone in the secluded mountains of Miaojiang Tianshui Village. Besides the occasional visits from villagers seeking him to refine Gu insects, he rarely interacted with people.
Before returning to Miaojiang Tianshui Village, he and Qi Shu were confined by Bian Yichen in a room.
He couldn’t go out freely.
Qi Shu would sit and stare blankly all day, while Bian Yichen took pleasure in killing, ignoring him. Luckily, there were bugs and snakes around, and Qi Buyan would catch them to play with and talk to them.
The emotions Qi Buyan felt from Qi Shu and Bian Yichen were minimal, not even as significant as those from the bugs and snakes, but he didn’t mind.
Bian Yichen never beat or scolded him.
He simply wanted to kill him.
Bian Yichen appeared gentle on the surface, and his actions were also gentle. Even when dismembering someone, he could be chatting and laughing with you one moment, and slicing your body into pieces the next.
When Qi Buyan was young, he wondered if killing people was truly a joyful thing. He pondered this as he watched Bian Yichen kill.
Just as he was engrossed in his observation, Qi Shu told him to close his eyes or get out if he didn’t.
Qi Buyan closed his eyes.
He didn’t want to go out and play at that moment.
Qi Shu roughly stuffed something into his ears, making his small ears turn red.
Qi Buyan couldn’t see Bian Yichen killing, nor could he hear the sounds of the killings or the pleas of the victims. He sat there, bored, holding his face.
Bian Yichen was jealous that Qi Buyan could influence Qi Shu’s emotions, yet sometimes he wanted to keep Qi Buyan around to exploit that emotional influence.
Qi Buyan found them very strange.
Thus, the emotions of ordinary people were strange to Qi Buyan.
Because he never had them.
If it weren’t for wanting to remove the Heavenly Silkworm Gu inside him, Qi Buyan thought he might have continued refining Gu in the secluded mountains of Miaojiang Tianshui Village until he died.
But to remove the Gu, he descended the mountain and picked up He Sui’an along the way.
Through He Sui’an, Qi Buyan finally experienced emotions like joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness, albeit vicariously through observing her.
He Sui’an would cry when extremely sad, her eyes turning red; she would smile with crescent-shaped eyes when happy, swinging his hand; she would curl up and sulk without speaking when angry.
She didn’t want him to get hurt, feared his butterfly silver chains breaking, and shared her food with him.
Qi Buyan found this fascinating.
The Gu insects he raised never did such things.
Gradually, Qi Buyan began to enjoy this feeling. He liked the feeling of raising He Sui’an, a sensation that years of refining and raising Gu insects could not give him. It was wonderful.
Moreover, Qi Buyan discovered that he enjoyed being close to He Sui’an. Whenever she got close, he felt a strange but pleasant sensation. Instead of rejecting it, he became curious about it.
As he continued raising He Sui’an, Qi Buyan developed the idea of raising her for a lifetime.
He wanted to take her back to Miaojiang Tianshui Village and raise her well.
Some things are beyond control, though. He Sui’an suddenly regained her memories and told him that she was not from this world but from another, and he was merely a character in a book.
Qi Buyan couldn’t describe his emotions at that moment. His feelings had always been relatively stable, and he didn’t care much about many things. But at that moment, he didn’t want to be just a fictional character in her eyes.
His heart seemed to hurt a little.
A fine, prickling pain.
Later, Qi Buyan learned that He Sui’an would leave him in a heavy snowfall.
Leave.
Leave?
Qi Buyan would never allow He Sui’an to leave. She had promised him she would return to Miaojiang Tianshui Village with him. How could she break her word?
But whether He Sui’an wanted to stay or not, she seemed destined to leave before the snow melted. It seemed they couldn’t stop it.
Could they really not stop it?
Not exactly.
There was actually a way: he and He Sui’an could die together. That way, she wouldn’t be able to leave, and they could be together forever. This was the ending Qi Buyan wanted.
Every midnight when he woke from a dream, Qi Buyan would turn to look at He Sui’an and wonder: did he really want to turn such a lively He Sui’an into a corpse? Her emotions would disappear along with her.
The He Sui’an who cried, laughed, and sulked would cease to move.
He was addicted to the lively He Sui’an.
Addicted enough to be willing to give anything to obtain the pleasure she brought him.
Qi Buyan buried his head in her neck, absorbing her scent. But more than that, he couldn’t accept He Sui’an leaving him.
After leaving him, He Sui’an might smile at others, cry for others, perhaps even embrace others, sharing the most intimate moments with them. If that were the case, Qi Buyan would choose to die with her.
He Sui’an didn’t know Qi Buyan had this thought. She remained as close to him as always.
When she was awake, she would seek him out.
When she was asleep, she would unconsciously snuggle into his arms, her furry head nudging him, her unique scent enveloping him. Qi Buyan was addicted to this, unable to let go, unwilling to let go.
On the day he went to kill Liu Yan, Qi Buyan braided He Sui’an’s hair one last time. While tying her silver ornaments, he mixed in his own. He wanted to wear hers and for her to wear his.
But he miscalculated.
Qi Buyan couldn’t follow through with his planned ending, allowing He Sui’an to leave.
And he died alone in the snow.
*
“Young Master Qi?”
Someone was calling Qi Buyan.
Slowly, Qi Buyan opened his eyes and found himself lying on a bed. He wasn’t dead? Although the Tianchan Gu inside him was still present, it was currently inactive.
Not far away stood Su Yang, Shen Jianhe, Zhong Kong, Zhong Huan, and Jiang Xuewan, but He Sui’an was nowhere to be seen.
They were all there.
Except for He Sui’an. The merciless snow had taken her away.
They were still alive, but He Sui’an, whom he had nurtured for so long and wanted to raise for a lifetime, was gone. If He Sui’an were there, she would have been by his side, and when he woke up, she would have rushed into his arms.
Qi Buyan looked at their heavily injured bodies, his fingers at his sides twitching slightly.
The room was filled with the scent of medicine.
A faint smell of blood mixed in.
Qi Buyan sat up, his long hair falling to his waist. His face was so pale it was almost transparent. Without the butterfly silver chains covering his wrists, the scars, both old and new, were exposed to the air, looking gruesome.
Surrounding the bed were not only people but also the poisonous Gu insects Qi Buyan had raised. Red snakes, black snakes, and silver snakes raised their flat heads, constantly watching him.
Su Yang stepped forward.
She wanted to ask Qi Buyan about He Sui’an’s disappearance: “Miss He, she…”
Qi Buyan got off the bed, his expression unchanged, and walked towards the table where He Sui’an’s jewelry was placed. He said calmly, “She left.”
Su Yang didn’t understand.
What did he mean by “she left”? He Sui’an had vanished directly from the snow. After Qi Buyan played the flute and killed Liu Yan, he had been unconscious for five days. In those five short days, Su Yang had witnessed several events.
Xie Wenqiao submitted a memorial to clear General Jiang’s name, who had died in Weicheng, and Emperor Duanjing agreed, promising to compensate Jiang’s uncle and nephew;
Princess Luoyan married into the Nanliang Kingdom as agreed; Aunt Cui took Ah Xuan’s ashes and retired to the mountains;
Liu Yan, who deserved to die, was cheered for by the people who were almost harmed by the Ling Gu people; Shen Jianhe was severely injured by the Ling Gu people, rendering him unable to practice martial arts and preventing him from continuing tomb raiding.
Shen Jianhe didn’t seem too upset, saying he’d just find another job.
Their matters were resolved.
But Su Yang was troubled by He Sui’an’s sudden disappearance, wanting to ask Qi Buyan for clarity, but he seemed unwilling to say more.
He Sui’an’s disappearance was no small matter.
Su Yang wanted to press further.
Shen Jianhe stopped her: “Young Master Qi is Miss He’s little husband. They must care more about Miss He’s whereabouts than we do. If he says so, he must have his reasons.”
Qi Buyan no longer paid attention to them.
“But…” Su Yang frowned.
Shen Jianhe forcibly pulled Su Yang away. “Besides, Young Master Qi just woke up. Let him rest for a while.”
“He’s been asleep for five days,” she replied.
Shen Jianhe still dragged her away. “Being unconscious and resting while awake are different.”
Zhong Kong and Zhong Huan glared angrily at Shen Jianhe for manhandling their lady, wanting to slap this martial arts-disabled man to death. But remembering he was injured defending Su Yang at the city gate, they restrained themselves.
Jiang Xuewan walked up to Qi Buyan and handed him a red silk ribbon. “I found this in the snow at the city gate that day. It seems to have belonged to Miss He.”
Qi Buyan accepted it.
“Take care,” Jiang Xuewan said, not staying long before leaving with Jiang Songwei.
The room was left with only him.
Qi Buyan touched He Sui’an’s jewelry, slowly picked up a sharp hairpin, and pressed it against his neck. Just as he was about to cut his skin, he saw the red string on his wrist and paused.
Thump, thump, thump.
Qi Buyan vaguely sensed He Sui’an’s heartbeat. He put down the hairpin and touched his chest.
Yes, He Sui’an was still alive. Maybe one day, she would return.
*
Qi Buyan decided to leave Chang’an and return to Miaojiang Tianshui Village to wait. He didn’t inform anyone before leaving, nor did he leave a letter like He Sui’an. It was his nature to come and go alone.
Time passed day by day.
Nearly half a month had gone by. Qi Buyan was in the secluded mountains, refining Gu and waiting for He Sui’an.
If it weren’t for the Love Gu allowing Qi Buyan to sense that He Sui’an was alive and feel her heartbeat, he might not have survived.
Every few days, Qi Buyan would draw He Sui’an’s likeness, because the more you try to remember something, the easier it is to forget. He feared forgetting her. But forgetting anything else, he couldn’t forget He Sui’an’s appearance.
But what if He Sui’an, after a long time, didn’t come back and forgot his appearance?
Not only might she forget his appearance, but she might also forget him as a person. After all, Qi Buyan didn’t know how long he had to wait or if she would ever return.
His hand holding the brush paused in mid-air.
Ink dripped onto the paper, spreading.
The wind blew past the silver ornaments. The young man sat in front of the wooden house, looking up at the empty sky. His eyes gently moved, and a crystalline tear rolled down.
If He Sui’an dared to forget him.
He would definitely kill…
…he just wanted to see He Sui’an.