Lady Xu accompanied Lanyin for a meal in the room.
Lanyin did not invite her to the flower hall to eat formally at a round table. Instead, she had the meal set up by the window. At this moment, the carved redwood lattice window was half-open, revealing the courtyard outside. Although the countryside was not as grand and luxurious as the Earl Manor, it had its own charm and leisurely scenery.
In the courtyard, there were jasmine plants.
The white flowers, some still in bud and others already in full bloom, had not withered or fallen after last night’s rain. They continued to stretch gracefully in the spring breeze. As the breeze brushed past, the dewdrops on the buds slid down the green veins of the leaves, falling onto the bluestone-paved ground, where they gradually spread into damp traces. Everything was so beautiful.
Lanyin ate with ease and contentment, but Lady Xu seemed somewhat distracted.
When she came, she hadn’t thought much of it. She, like everyone else, had assumed that the lady had moved to the estate out of anger and that she would return home as soon as someone came to fetch her.
But now, it was clear that this was not the case.
She could not detect any trace of anger or resentment in the lady. Instead, she saw only relief and a longing for the future. This made her feel both puzzled and unsure of how to broach the many thoughts swirling in her mind.
“Try this plum spare rib,” Lady Xu heard Lanyin say as she placed a piece of plum spare rib on her plate. Before she could speak, Lanyin continued, “I remember you’ve always liked sweet dishes.”
Those few words warmed Lady Xu’s heart.
Her ancestral home was in Suzhou, but since coming to Bianjing, she had rarely eaten such dishes.
Living under someone else’s roof was never easy, and even one’s preferences were not entirely up to oneself. Although Lady Sun was her aunt, her mother was only a concubine. Her aunt had already shown great kindness by allowing her to stay; how could she be expected to remember her preferences? Lady Xu recalled the last time she was in the lady’s room. After eating a few extra pieces of sweet and sour pork ribs, the lady had since instructed the kitchen to prepare a few Suzhou and Zhejiang-style dishes for her every day.
The lady was a good person.
Even though Lady Xu had repeatedly offended and clashed with her because of Xiao Ye, the lady had never held a grudge against her.
Looking at the serene face before her, Lady Xu suddenly remembered the day she gave birth. Giving birth was like stepping into the gates of hell. At that time, she deeply loved Xiao Ye and hoped he would come to see her. But Xiao Ye had merely nodded upon hearing the news, instructed the midwife to take care of her, and then left to attend to his official duties. Instead, it was Lanyin, whom she had always feared, who rushed into the blood-stained delivery room without hesitation, held her hand, and said, “Survive. Only you can protect your child. Do you want him to be born without a mother?”
In truth, Lady Xu knew Lanyin was lying to her.
Even without her, the birth mother, Lanyin would have ensured her son was protected.
She was a good person, always had been.
The reason why everyone missed her so much after she left was not just because they needed a lady to protect them, but also because they had all received her care.
She treated others with sincerity, which was why she had such good karma.
Lady Xu remembered asking Lanyin after giving birth, while leaning on the bed, “Madam, do you not resent me?”
She had been elevated to the position of the heir’s concubine by her aunt’s arrangement.
At that time, her aunt had not yet grown fond of the lady. Because she had not borne a child, all her merits had turned into faults.
No woman would wish for her husband to have another woman, even if this woman had never uttered a single word of complaint.
But how had the lady responded to her back then? Holding a bowl of chicken soup, she fed it to her spoonful by spoonful, her lashes like crow feathers casting shadows as she spoke, “Many things in this world are beyond our control. Besides, it’s already difficult enough for women to live well in this world. Why be too harsh on ourselves?”
She thought Lanyin was foolish and wanted to laugh at her, but she also couldn’t help wanting to cry.
No one had ever said such things to her. Since losing the protection of her parents at the age of seven, she had lost all right to pride. Although she was a cousin in the Xiao family, she had to serve Lady Sun from a young age—washing her face, combing her hair, dressing her—all to secure a place by Xiao Ye’s side and to make her life in the Xiao family a little easier.
That day, she looked at Gu Lanyin and said nothing. But from that day on, she never again schemed to win Xiao Ye’s attention, instead living her life quietly and contentedly.
Half a year passed like this. Her relationship with Xiao Ye grew increasingly distant, while her bond with Lanyin grew stronger.
…
Memories of the past flashed before her eyes.
Lady Xu lowered her thick lashes and looked at the plum spare rib in her bowl. She ate it with rice, savoring the sweetness that spread across her palate. Gradually, her brows and eyes relaxed.
“Everyone in the mansion misses you. When they found out I was coming to see you, they asked me to bring you a message, urging you to return soon,” she said, looking at Lanyin.
Gu Lanyin smiled at these words.
She lowered her head and stirred the rice in her bowl with a plum blossom spoon. Her pinky finger lifted slightly, her movements slow and deliberate, exuding an innate elegance. “I’m afraid they’ll be disappointed,” she said. Noticing the woman across from her silently watching her, she smiled and asked, “No more attempts to persuade me?”
“Even if I did, would you listen?” Lady Xu asked.
Gu Lanyin shook her head with a smile.
“Then why waste my breath?” Lady Xu glanced at her and, without waiting for a response, lowered her head to eat and pick at the dishes. Compared to earlier, her expression and movements had become much more natural.
She had initially thought Lanyin was retreating to advance, so she came to persuade her to return. Now, she realized she had been mistaken from the start. This was Gu Lanyin, not some other woman. Gu Lanyin had never stooped to such tactics.
She had her own pride and dignity.
It was just a pity that some people still hadn’t figured this out.
Thinking of Xiao Ye’s behavior that morning, Lady Xu briefly considered telling Lanyin about it. But then she decided it wasn’t necessary. If he truly regretted it, he would know what to do. If he didn’t, forcing her back would be pointless.
Besides, she harbored a bit of selfish desire herself.
That man who had been proud for over twenty years, who had never bowed his head for anyone, who had made her cry, resent, and even hate him—she truly wanted to see what he would look like when he finally broke his pride to win back a woman.
“What are you thinking about?”
Lanyin’s voice brought her back to the present.
Lady Xu collected her thoughts, but the corners of her lips curled slightly, revealing a hint of amusement. “Nothing,” she said.
Lanyin raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further.
She had never been in the habit of prying into others’ private matters. If someone was willing to share, she would listen attentively. If not, she never forced the issue.
The two of them finished their lunch together. Lady Xu, concerned about her son, was unwilling to stay any longer. As they were parting, Lanyin called her back. A moment later, Ting Yun came out holding a pair of tiger-head shoes.
“I made these earlier. Take them back for Yi’an,” Lanyin said, handing them to her personally.
Lady Xu looked at the delicate and adorable little shoes, silently accepting them. After a few moments, she suddenly looked at Lanyin and asked, “Have you ever regretted it?”
The phrase “have you ever” clearly wasn’t referring to the shoes.
Gu Lanyin lifted her gaze to meet Lady Xu’s eyes. Before she could ask, Lady Xu continued, “Have you ever regretted arranging for me to marry Xiao Ye?” She clutched the tiger-head shoes tightly, her eyelids lowered as she spoke in a hoarse voice, “If it hadn’t been for this, given everything you did for him, you and he could have lived a good life together.”
When her aunt had first suggested marrying her to Xiao Ye, the Earl Manor had not yet encountered its troubles. But before her aunt could even broach the subject with the lady and before any plans could be made, the Earl Manor fell into crisis. At that point, not only was marrying Xiao Ye out of the question, but the entire mansion was thrown into turmoil. After the matter was resolved, her aunt, grateful for the lady’s efforts, no longer pressed the issue of wanting a grandson. She simply left the decision to the lady and retired to the estate with the master to recuperate.
At that time, Lady Xu had thought it impossible for her to marry Xiao Ye. She never expected Lanyin to bring it up herself.
Lanyin had come to her personally and asked if she was willing to marry him.
Of course, she was willing. But at the time, she had thought Lanyin was gloating as the victor. After saying yes, she had even sneered a few cold remarks at her. Yet, a few days later, she indeed married Xiao Ye as she had wished.
That was a long time ago.
Lanyin had to think carefully to recall those past events.
Did she regret it?
Perhaps she had, at times.
No woman truly wants to see another woman sharing affection with her husband.
But what use was regret?
No matter how much she regretted it, if given the chance to do it over, she would still make the same choice.
Lanyin still remembered the time she brought it up with Xiao Ye. He had been completely stunned, staring at her in disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe such words had come from her mouth. His first reaction was to ask if his mother had forced her.
She had simply said no.
While it was true that her mother-in-law, Lady Sun, had brought it up, it couldn’t be considered coercion. At that time, she was the Earl Manor’s savior. If she had refused, no one could have forced her.
But the doctor had said it would be difficult for her to conceive.
The Earl Manor could tolerate her for a year, two years, or even three because of her contributions, but they couldn’t tolerate it forever. Xiao Ye was the only son of the Bo family. He couldn’t go his whole life without children. Rather than being forced into a corner later and causing a scene that would embarrass everyone, it was better to agree at that moment. It would preserve the Earl Manor’s dignity and secure her own position.
She just hadn’t expected Xiao Ye to be so angry.
She remembered that night, when he had stared at her for a long time before turning and leaving in a huff. But at the doorway, he suddenly stopped. He turned to look at her, the bright red silk curtains behind him, and stood under the glow of the room’s candles as he asked, “Gu Lanyin, do you even love me?”
But before she could answer, he let out a cold laugh and left.
After that, he didn’t return home for several days. When he finally came back, he only sent a message through Steward Xu: “As you wish.” He fulfilled her wish by taking Lady Xu as his concubine, but his feelings for her cooled back to what they had been at the beginning.
Lanyin didn’t believe that without Lady Xu, her relationship with Xiao Ye would have been unshakable.
In their marriage, Lady Xu had never been the stumbling block. Not even Gu Qing could be considered one. Gu Qing’s existence had only made her feel disappointed in Xiao Ye and their relationship. But the foundation of her life had never been a man’s love. Even without love, she could still live as the dignified wife of the heir.
It was Xiao Ye’s attitude—his repeated distrust, his baseless accusations, and his refusal to listen to explanations—that had made her desperate to break free from this pitiful marriage.
Whenever she thought of that New Year’s Eve, when Xiao Ye had driven her out of the house, standing on the steps and coldly watching her no matter how much she tried to explain, she no longer wanted to say anything more to him.
Outside the window, the spring breeze gently rustled the branches, making faint sounds, while the wind chimes under the eaves tinkled softly. Lanyin pulled herself out of her memories and looked at Lady Xu, saying, “I don’t regret it.”
Lady Xu silently gazed at her for a long time, but in the end, all she said was, “Xiao Mingchuan isn’t worth it.”
This was the first time she had ever called Xiao Ye by his full name.
The servants in the room widened their eyes in shock, and even Lanyin was surprised.
But Lady Xu spoke with a sense of relief, her face showing a lightness it had never held before. Perhaps it was because she knew that in front of Lanyin, she never needed to hide or disguise her thoughts. She tightly clutched the tiger-head shoes in her hands, curtsied, and then said, “I’ll come see you again in a few days.” With that, she walked out under Lanyin’s gaze.
Lanyin nodded slightly and said to Ting Yun, “See her off.”
…
“You were really too bold earlier. If the heir finds out, he’ll surely be angry with you again,” Lianxin said with a frown as the carriage headed toward the city gates.
Lady Xu, however, looked completely indifferent, holding the tiger-head shoes and gazing at the scenery outside the carriage window. “So what if he finds out? Did I say anything wrong?”
Half a year ago, Lady Xu would never have imagined that she would feel this way about the man she had adored since childhood.
“He’ll regret it,” she said calmly.
Before Lianxin could respond, Lady Xu lowered her eyelids and suddenly spoke in a very soft voice, “…I regret it too.”
When she was still unmarried, there had been someone who came to propose to her.
An old acquaintance from her hometown in Suzhou, a student of her father’s. Before she had even met Xiao Ye, she had once playfully agreed to marry him in response to her elders’ teasing. But when he came to Bianjing full of sincerity to marry her, her heart was already completely filled with Xiao Ye.
Facing the man who blushed when he looked at her, she had simply stood on the steps, looking down at him and saying lightly, “Childhood jokes—how could you take them seriously?”
“Lianxin, do you think he… is doing well now?”
Lianxin had been by her side since childhood and naturally knew who she was referring to. Hearing the choked sob in her mistress’s voice, her own eyes reddened. “Madam…”
“He must be doing well.”
“Only if he is well can I have peace of mind.”
Lady Xu wanted to smile, but tears slipped down her cheeks first. She hurriedly wiped them away, but the tears seemed unstoppable. It was as if she had finally broken down, covering her face and weeping silently. Yet, after just a moment, the woman who had been crying bitterly in the carriage now showed no trace of her earlier distress, save for slightly reddened eyes.
She lifted the carriage curtain, and her gaze happened to meet another carriage coming down the mountain path.
The dark curtain of the other carriage was lifted by the wind.
Lady Xu saw a man in a blue robe sitting quietly inside.
The man held a scroll in his hand, sitting leisurely in the carriage. As if sensing something, he lifted his eyes to look at her. They were eyes that were extremely cold and detached, like a frozen pond untouched by sunlight. Just one glance made Lady Xu feel as if she had fallen into an icy abyss.
Under his gaze, Lady Xu involuntarily shivered. It wasn’t until the carriages passed each other and she could no longer see the man’s eyes that the oppressive feeling lifted. She quietly let out a sigh of relief.
Perhaps it was because the man’s aura was too intimidating that she didn’t dare to see where his carriage was headed. Thus, she didn’t realize that the carriage was heading in the direction from which she had just come.
—
Author’s note:
This chapter explains the timeline of Lady Xu’s marriage. It’s not to whitewash Xiao Er—there’s no way to redeem that scumbag—but just to clarify the timeline and how Lady Xu ended up marrying Xiao Er, as well as Lanyin’s attitude toward Xiao Er and her previous marriage.
As for whether Lanyin ever loved Xiao Er, of course she did. It’s just that love was never the most important thing to her (Brother Bai, I’m not talking about you! You’ll definitely win the beauty’s heart and even get Yinyin to act coquettish with you, I promise, okay? Stop glaring at me with that cold face of yours, I’m scared.)